news

the good: i am still alive.  that is very good.

the less good: i am still sick (going to see a doctor soon, a big deal for me cause i generally refuse to go unless i'm dying).  and my sister and 2 nephews have mild ear infections, and my baby nephew...  has bronchitis.

migraine setting in, it's a beautiful day...  maybe tomorrow i'll get out again.  i was actually social yesterday for about 5 hours, went to har menuchot, walked from the tachana merkazit to town for pizza and fro-yo...  started off with coffee on emek for breakfast.  all told, a good day.  and i got to see bayla!  and jj!  and kim!  what fun.

if you do such things, send healthy vibes my way so i can fly back on monday.  and yes, bronk, in a few months i'll look back on this trip and laugh.

hi all

israel's great.  i, unfortunately, am missing most of it.  i am, hopefully, going to see daniel in oliver on tuesday.  yay!  i'll be back in a week and a day or so, and i have a lot i'd like to get done before then.  thanks for the messages..  it's great to here from everyone.  all i've bought so far is a present for a friend...  wish i had money.  : )  i have some entries that i'll add when i can that i've written by hand while i've been here.  anyhow, i'm off.  tata...

ahhhhhhhhhh

ok, do you know what pain is? if not, you may want to jump in here and check out my throat.
israel's cool, i miss some people though... my voice is kinda gone, but it conveniently pops back in when i need to be polite.
i'm hoping that tomorrow morning i can get some sort of a tan. if not, then no tan for dani. : ( and then back to yerushalayim and all kinds of fun things.
in the mean time, i can't type because it feels like my body is about to rip off. actually, it feels like my shoulder is attempting to disengage from my neck. can't say i blame it... off to a big old moroccan dinner (always great for a sore throat, right?)
and mushnicks - i miss you. hi orly! i got your email!!!!! i'll write back soon.......

keeping up

here's my calendar of events, as near as i can tell...

i remember now that i'm leaving in an hour that my sister told me when we were young that if you go the bathroom on an airplane, the toilet can accidentally flush and suction out your internal organs. those were painful flights, let me tell you.

this is it

i'm leaving today. that means the blog will most likely be pretty quiet (if not untouched) until january 5th or so. if you want to be notified when i update, you can put your email address in the mailing list thing-y on the side, and you'll get an email, otherwise... check back in 3-4 weeks.

it really pains me to say that. : (

i'll miss you guys, a lot. i'll be staying at lev, so if you're in israel (and a friend of mine, not a total stranger), come look me up. i'd love to get together. i'm V V sad to be leaving, but pretty excited about going. does that make sense?

have a great chanuka

the minor PS

i filed a complaint with consumer affiars.  i realize this story would make more sense if i were somewhat coherent, but i'm not, and i apologize.  it's been a long day.

i was in and out of NY today, although i got to met a friend for lunch, which was nice.  i have no other thoughts.  mut to sleep.

saga X 2

6:08 i place a call.
6:32 i hang up in frustration while waiting for some supervisor to answer the phone.

my mother says "get names from everyone". i decide to log the calls as well.

6:34 Mark Dubreau. haha! wrong place, he works in the net server group. the what you ask? the i don't know, i tell you. he connects me to the pavilion notebook group
6:37 Andre. how are you dear? let me patch you through to a technician.

(i must add - each of these people made me give them all kinds of information over and over, highly annoying)

6:38 Sylvain, who transferred me to his supervisor,
6:39 Billy Curtis. who said "woah, that area code is in the US. we're in Canada. let me transfer you."
6:41 Jack, who didn't sem to have a last name, not that i understood half of what he said. yay and joyness. Jack takes all myinfo. interspersed with each sentecnce i reiterate "i'd like to talk to a supervisor now". jack says "let me see if i can find my superwizer".
6:47 Jack goes to speak with his supervisor.
6:51 jack tells me that "I'm trying to speak to my supervisor', and that the supervisor will call me back in 10. should have gotten supervisor's name before i terminated the call. dammit.

7:01 i place another call.
7:03 Veani. she has no last name, she tells me. I guess HP is now outsourcing to countries so poor they can't afford two names? (not funny, i know. sorry) I ask for her supervisor's name. she doesn't know. she tells me ive reached compaq, and she must now transfer me to pavilion. bbye!
7:06 transferring call.
7:10 Ashaf (Ashraf?) finally, someone smart with a sense of humor. i ask him for his name. he tells me. asks me for mine. we had a moment! we laughed. ok, he takes my info, tells me they can't help.
7:16 I'm getting transferred to a supervisor.
7:27 Ashraf comes back to check on me and tell me to hang in there.
7:40 I get to Eric Hendley. sounds suspiciously like the eric of yesternight. evil!!

stone-walled again.

what a day

first, and most important - my brother got into columbia!!!!!!!!!!

now he needs a place to live. does anyone know of a place in the UWS, anywhere from 70th, i guess, til 115th, i guess. (making these numbers up, haven't really asked him, but they sound good to me)? he's a great guy, v cool, easy to get along with. etc.

2nd order of business. the pissants @ HP have succeeded in really pissing me off. enough to a) make me cry and b) make me jump up and down in frustration.

i sent my laptop in 2 months ago to have them fix the pin for the AC adapter. you know, the socket where the plug goes in to juice your machine. it was broken, and they fixed it and sent it back. happy dani. then last week it went bollocks on me again, and i sent it to them. couldn't back up the data cause i couldn't access the data cause THE BLOODY MACHINE HAD NO POWER LEFT TO IT. brilliant. anyhow, i called, spoke to the Lady who took down my info, etc. sent in the machine, got it back today.

they decided that to fix a very external piece of hardware, they needed to re-image my hard drive. to those of you who don't know what that means, they wiped it, and re-installed XP. why did they do this? presumably to test the machine (bloody wankers). the note i got with my comp said that they'd repaired/upgraded my BIOS and modem. um. thanks. i could have updated the BIOS myself, and the modem, well, i don't use it. they've got this brilliant new invention called a wireless network card. so the question becomes - what did they do?

let's see. i originally paid them $285 to have them replace my motherboard, which they did a pretty shoddy job of, seeing as within 2 months it was busted again. and the piece that was broken, where it melted in the back? still melted. the adapter that gets so hot to the touch i've red marks on my arms and thighs for a few hours after? sent back the same bloody one. the fan that overheats and doesn't cool off the processor? they didn't even check it.

and to run all these diagnostics? the stupid pervs WIPED my hard drive.

so i call HP. i get another lady, this time in india, i think. first i'm told that there's nothing they can do. then i ask to speak to a supervisor, hit the voice mail wall, and hang up to try again.

call back. get some girl who has no clue what i'm talking about, at least she speaks english... she connects me to somewhere... 10 minutes of dead air-ing it later, i hang up and try again.

round 3: i get some kid who tells me there's nothing they can do. i ask to speak to his supervisor. now i'm on the phone with eric. hi eric! eric can't help me, because i was supposed to back up the data. eric has a bad haabit of talking like i'm an idiot. i tell eric i couldn't back up the data, and i told this to the nice Lady who i filed the report with originally. eric tells me it's standard procedure to wipe the hard drive. poppy cock. i sent in my laptop before, they didn't do it then. i tell eric that my entire portfolio for my writing degree has now been cleaned off of my computer by his company and i'm screwed, and i need him to explain to me why they did that. eric says "it's standard procedure", then proceeded to really screw HP:

apparently this has been a problem, and they have a new script where they're supposed to ask you "if your hard drive has to be re-imaged, do you want us to do it?" i have the right to refuse that. Lady never asked me that. apparently i also didn't have to send in my hard drive, as i was v snottily informed. Lady didn't tell me that either. then eric said the stupid thing. he said "it happened to me too once,..." and started telling me his horror story. eric - i care not. but to back track for a moment - if i didn't need to send in my hard drive, then they obviously didn't need to do anything to my hard drive to fix the pin. even if they needed to check the processor and such, they didn't need to touch my hard drive.

i have calls into numerous companied who specialize in hard drive restoration. so far, best i can tell, it will cost between $300 and $1500 to get it done. guess who's paying that bill? (hint: not me.)

squish

in the process of packing, and realizing that this will be the first time sincei was about 8 that i will be wearing pants in yerushalayim. how very weird. also realizing that when an entire family is going (and each of us cantake 2 suitcases) the entire community does its bst to fill our suitcases with toys, medications, books, clothes, and other such things for friends and family they have stationed in israel. the best is the packages that have been arriving every day for two weeks at our house - video tapes, a hair iron, a can of spray (?), cereal... people are insane.

and i'm realizing that one suitcase may not suffice to hold clothes for 2.5 weekss, seeing as i can't do laundry and i have 3 shabbatot to get through, including 2 bar mitzvas, and 2 nights to celebrate grandma's 80th birthday. i need a lot of stuff! off to see how small i can squish things...

countdown

today is december 14th. so let's make a little map of the next month of my life:

S M T W T F S
14 15 16 17 18 19 20
i fly on the 17th at midnght

21 22 23 24 25 26 27
then i'm in israel this whole week

28 29 30 31 1 2 3
and this whole week, too.

4 5 6 7 8 9 10
and i fly back on the 5th. i do a lot of laundry, pack. and move back to NY on sunday, the 11th. sounds about right?

23 days til i'm back in the states, 28 til i'm in NY. ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!! i hate waiting

i dreamt of saba

i dreamed of my grandfather just now.  we were all in the living room, planning for our trip to israel, and when i looked up, he was stretched out on the couch, propped up against the side of it, wearing his glasses, and reading the paper.  he smiled at me as i looked at him, and i ran over to talk to him, because i needed to.  it'd been too long.  i ran to him, and he smiled and called me boobah, and told me to talk to him, and i knelt next to him, and hugged him, and put my face on his stomach and started to cry.  and he rubbed my head and said "i know it's been so hard.  i know how tired you are.  let it out.  you're ok, you're fine."

i woke up.  i was so happy.  then my face crumpled and i realized i wanted to talk to him, i wanted to fall back asleep.  i miss him so much.  i wasn't ready to wake up, i wasn't ready to let go.  i haven't dreamt of him in so long, and i don't know when i will again.  but i know he's with me, and he loves me, and he's proud of me, and ...  God that counts for a lot.

pre-packing

i am totally exhausted.  i had an amazing weekend, and now the reality of israel looms.  i woke up to the news that saddam has been captured, which makes me believe that bush will be re-elected.  no comment on that at the moment.  i'm nervous to go to israel.  it's been a long time since i was there, and now i'm going with my entire family.  it's weird.  i don't want to follow that train of thought...

so i'll be leaving weds night, and i'll be there for 2.5 weeks, which means i'm moving to NY in about 4 weeks from today.  4 weeks.  it sounds so short, but it's a very long time to go without seeing people.  a person.  someone.

green and blue

I'm the one who wants to be with you
Deep inside I hope you feel it too
Waited on a line of greens and blues
Just to be the next to be with you

posting...

so, they posted a day late. but still, they posted.

i was thinking about stuff last night (as i tend to do) and i realized (once again) that i'm disgustingly lucky to have such awesome friends. i would list them here, but some of you might get embarassed if i list you, or if i don't list you because i think you'll be embarassed you may think i forgot about you and get all upset with me. so - hey guys (and girls!), i love you and i think you are amazing and brilliant and each so unique and interesting. and if i were a different kind of person who did such things, i would learn from you in some way - but i'm not! so i'll continue to be loud and obnoxious and neurotic and scandalous (ha-ha nomers!). i love that word. sssssscandalous!

ok, off to make more lasagna. i wonder - some couples have a song, and when they hear it they think of each other. what if you have a food? do you have to think of each other when you eat it? when you say the word? when you see marinara sauce in the grocery store? and who mandated rules about when couples have to think about each other? can't it just be always?

life in scranton

phone rings.
it's my sister.
i answer it.
she says "why are you awake?"
i say "because you called."

to the tune of winter wonderland

this is what i was singing yesterday:
Walking in a Winter Wonderland
Lacy things -- the wife is missin', Didn't ask -- her permission, I'm wearin' her clothes, Her silk pantyhose, Walkin' 'round in women's underwear.
In the store -- there's a teddy, Little straps -- like spaghetti, It holds me so tight, Like handcuffs at night, Walkin' 'round in women's underwear.
In the office there's a guy named Melvin, He pretends that I am Murphy Brown.
He'll say, "Are you ready?" I'll say,"Whoa, Man!" "Let's wait until our wives are out of town!"
Later on, if you wanna, We can dress -- like Madonna, Put on some eyeshade, And join the parade, Walkin' 'round in women's underwear!
Lacy things... missin', Didn't ask... permission, Wearin' her clothes, Her silk pantyhose, Walkin' 'round in women's underwear.
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear, Walkin' 'round in women's underwear!

: (

as you may have noticed, my blogging is slacking off this week. my computer has once again died, and is being sent to HP for fixing in the morning.  hopefully it'll be back b4 i leave to israel, cause taht would make me happy.

what are we doing to our kids?

it has been contended that the cat in the hat is the scariest movie ever made for kids, but i think i've found somehting scarier.

some brilliant person is now releasing toy story 2 - on ice. picture two buzz lightyears. on skates. spinning each other. doing splits. woody and buzz dancing with linked arms.

i may have nightmares.

dearth

so, something's up with blog-city, cause i emailed in two posts earlier today which never went up.  blergh.  i'm not going to try to recap right now, but basically, my family is weird and very very funny.  and i like NY.  and not sleeping.  and whipped cream, and movies, and (side point) dame maggie smith, who you can catch in all her hotness is the neil simon movie, murder by death.

help

i'm in this frustrating bubble of not working and not being in school right now, for the next fwe weeks, and each day starts running into the next.  not doing anything all the time is the fastest way to get grumpy, i think.  i'm actually looking forward to being in scranton tomorrow because i'll have something to do all day.  oy.  but time will start flying again soon.  today just dragged on and on, and my inertia-inspired laziness doesn't help matters.

tomorrow's tuesday.  what have you accomplished this week?  between tomorrow and friday, i plan on finishing with stuff for college, getting my house ready for guests, helping my sister get ready for a big shabbat, starting to organize myself for the trip to israel, and start to organize my stuff and thoughts for the move back to NY upon my return from the Holy land.

wow.  it's all really happening so fast, but within the minute to minute stuff, it can seem to take forever.  and my mouth is bleeding.  again.  ra, ok, best way to fix that is probably to drink hawaiin punch or some such...

fwegfbvcisb!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

it's kinda crazy how 4 minutes on the phone with someone can last an eternity and an afternoon with someone else can feel like 4 minutes.  i believe i spent a full 18 hours with a friend, but it felt like just a few hours.  i'm in this happy/tired/content to not be fully awake yet stage.  and listening to sir mixalot.  always a great way to start the day.  *grin*

thoughts (ppl suck)

once, in a fit of "i don't know what else to do with my rage" i decided to write an article for hamevaser (stop laughing) about sinat chinam and how to deal with it.  i ultimately decided that to do that would be immature and stir up all kinds of all trouble, so i let it slide.  yes, this is my main coping mechanism...  ignore something i don't like long enough, and it will go away, assuming there's nothing i can do to change it.

i'm re-thinking all of that now.  boo on lashon hara.

thanks for coming out...

and i remember wanting to learn to kick-box.  that too.

weekend update

hello.  in NY, yet again, and i just got back from the YCDS play.  it was pretty good.  well, i didn't follow the story so well, but the acting was good, the set was unreal...  all the usuals from a YCDS play.  and, for a change, the cake was awesome.  : )  it's so nice to comeback and see old frineds.  : )

i have to run off and have lasagna and other such fun things.  like hot chocolate.  oh, did i mention that i like the doctor's hat?  thinking of keeping it.  thinking he won't let me.  "oh, so i'm being referred to as 'the doctor' on the world wide web".  <chuckling to self>

 

ah, so good to be here.

bouncing and zinging

what is up with nervous energy?  i find that i can not sit without jiggling some part of my body, a foot, my leg, my hand...   it'smaking me crazy, but i can't stop.  similarly, i managed to not bite my nails for like 3 months

and here i am doing it again.

geez, you'd think i was 7 years old.  find something, please, that will keep me occupied until i can leave.

i'm doomed

so,jessica is totally evil, and sent me a link to this love calculator page.

i ran it, and got a 96% chance.  then, on a hunch, i ran it with my name mispelled (daniella), and i got a 29%.  which only goes to prove that all of you out there who mispell and mispronounce other ppl's names, you're screwing with mazalot.   please stop. 

PSA
i will say this only once: the name is daniela, it's pronounced don-nee-el-la, with a very light 'l'.  ie, hebrew.  not dan-yel-a.  or danielle. or danny, donny, donna, bonnie...  none of the above.  thank you for your time.

challah recipe

my rebbetzin was gracious enough to give me her challah recipe, which is how i've spent my day.

if you have a large group of hungry people who like the taste of good old lechem mishna, here's a great way to make more than enough for them:

take 5 cups of lukewarm water, about the temperature at which you'd bathe a baby.
dissolve a scant 1/3 c. of yeast, or 9 tblspns.  a scant measurement is when you fill it to the rim, not all the way.  just enough so you can still see the rim.  stir the yeast to get rid of clumps, then let it sit for 15 minutes.

5 lbs. of flour follow.  this is a full bag of flour.  Rebbetzin Fine prefers to use bread flour, i used regular flour, and then whole wheat (i'll explain that in a bit).

put 2/3 of the bag of flour into your mixing bowl.

add:
scant 1/4 c. coarse/kosher salt (i used sea salt for lack of a good alternative)
1 3/4 c. sugar
1 1/4 c oil (add most of the oil, leave behind enough to grease the dough later)
7 eggs

put yeast (and water) in with it.  if you have a mixer, let it run on medium for 7 or 8 minutes.  if you're like me, prepare to work out your arms, and mix it thoroughly.  it was totally fun.

then add the rest of the flour from the bag, and about 2 more cups of flour to get the right consistency (this is where the 1.5 c of whole wheat came in)

mix for another 8 minutes with a machine, or until it feels right (somewhat sticky, elasticy, but you can get your hands out without too much pain)

for the mixer using crew: grease rising bowl (ie, the bowl you use to let the dough rise), dump in the dough, turn once to get it covered in oil
for the non-mixer using crew: pour a bit of oil, spread it over the dough.  pick up the dough and flumf it over (for lack of a better word) and cover that side also.  when i say cover, i mean thinly coat, by the way.

cover with a towel, or if you live s/w like scranton where it's really dry today, loosely cover it with a plastic food bag, then towels.

let it rise til it doubles.  then (my favorite part) punch it down, take challah, and let ir rise again.

then you get to shape it.  have fun with that.

let it sit for 1/2 hour, 40 minutes - pre-heat the oven to 400.

mix an egg and 1/3 teaspon sugar, paint challah.

bake @ 400 for 10 minutes, then lower it to 350 for 25.  check it after 18 minutes to see where it's holding.  (if you have 2 racks in, switch them about 7 minutes after you lower the heat so they get evenly done)

ode to jess

so this one time there was this guy, and he was walking down the street when he decided that he really need to go buy cigarettes.  marlboro lights, to be precise, although if they were out he'd settle for camels.  he went into the store and asked the guy if he could buy them and the guy asked for ID and the guy said he didnt' have it, he left it at work, and he didn't feel like walking the whole way back to work then back to the store then back to work just to get cigarettes, so he dyed his hair red and went to anne taylor.  then he bought a bunch of clothes, and applied to stern under an assumed name, because he could, and when they asked his name, he said "LAMPPOST!"

i love you (even though you tell lamppost sotries better than i do)

by way of charlotte

geek=me

the nice thing about deadAim (yes, trillian,too) is that you can log your IMs.  this is highly convenient for those of us who need to go back and re-read something, re-experience it.  it's almost like having a personal recorded history to study.  ok, that's a little neurotic, even for me, but the fact is that in storing conversations and then using them for reference, some wonderful things can happen at, say, 2 am.

i'm very tired and about to try making challah for the first time in years, because someone mentioned that i'd probably be good at it...  and it spiraled from there.  wish me luck!

zen cocoa

it has been a hell of a long day.  i went to babysit for my sister's sons, who i really adore, but frankly watching them from about 12:30 til about 5:30 is notmy idea of fun.  especially when the baby is hungry and i am unable to nurse him.  ra.  cute cute, love him so much, but it comes back to the same issue - i have a tough time understanding how ppl can watch other ppl's kids.  i just don't kno their schedules, what they like, what they're allowed to do, even what benny's different cries mean.  i can't tell when he's hungry vs. tired vs. wet.  and koby is great, but he has a lot more energy than i'm used to dealing with.  usually i'm the one wearing out the ppl around me.

so i think i will retire to the kitchen and look for some form of liquid chocolate to pour down my throat, preferably heated.  so tired, so hungry, sooooooooooooooo bored.  mm, i sound like i'm in a crappy mood.  i'm not, i swear, just worn out.  i'll be all peppy again in a bit.

If you want to destroy my sweater
Pull this thread as I walk away

if you think about it, these are rather profound lyrics.

also if you think about it, i shouldn't be awake at 5 am eating cold lasagna, although i do have to admit, it's delicious.  maybe that will be my new mandated test of whether or not food is really good - how much i enjoy it straight from the fridge at ungodly hours such as this one.

although i also have to admit that perhaps 5 am is not the best time to be listening to the sweater song as loud as i currently am.  i wish my music listening had a purpose.  but who wants to read critique on a song that came out while i was in braces?  or even a decently written article?  if anyone starts a music magazine full of musings about music, and not current up-to-date 'here's the latest briteny snogging christina's lungs as the mousketters dance around them in pink leotards with pictures of justin timberlake stapled to their butts video' crap - i'm working for you.  and by working i mean writing articles and giving them to you to publish, regardless of pay, salary, benefits, or ant other form of compensation.

perhaps the time has come to rest my head upon my pillow and see where i can drift off to.

ima weighs in

my mother writes to tell me that my vision of scranton is outdated, seeing as i moved out 10 years ago:

 

Dani - I tried twice to answer you on your page, but when I went to
correct a spelling error, it all disappeared.

Your picture of Scranton's Orthodox community, although well-written,
is inaccurate. There is active and positive kiruv going on, on many
levels, and it is a way of life. Your opening statement is not correct.

First of all, there is open learning - chavrutah style  - for men and
women on separate nights at Beth Shalom, an Orthodox shul which
everyone in the community feels comfortable to. Each pair ( or
sometimes, threesome) decides on its own topic of study and book(s).
Often, friendships grow out of these chavrutahs of people who are
holding at very different places in their observance - some of them
close friendships.  Then, there are classes given by Rabbi Saks and
Vivi Brodtsky in Clarks Summit. Rabbi Saks has been doing outreach to
teens and their parents for years, and has met with such success, that
people who were totally alienated now feeling close both to yiddishkeit
and to the local community. AND, some of them spend Shabbos or yomtov
in town once in a while.

Rabbi Fine's class on Wednesday morning which draws women from
throughout the community - again, no pressure, no judging, all are
welcome. He used to give a once-a-week lunch class at the JCC that drew
people from the entire community, too. That ended with the advent of
other things and the loss of rooms in the JCC to their early childhoood
center.

There happen to also be free tutoring classes for all kids who need it
for the Day School - whether you are from the Russian Jewish community,
or one of the few from less observant families, or a child of
one-parent families who have no one to learn or study with. This is not
strictly limudei kodesh - just free help, which again, nurtures
friendship and good feelings.

Then there's the new Chabad of the Abingtons which not only brings the
ENTIRE community together for huge Chanukah/Purim/Lag Ba'Omer
celebrations, but has built an incredible center with a library, game
space, meeting room, etc. Some of the volunteers  - not just the
participants -  are from the Reform and Conservative communities, as
are both the children and adults who take advantage of the classes,
lectures and programs (many of which are fun-related, like arts and
crafts, challah baking). There is no judging, and a wonderful sense of
community exists. The entire community - and I mean not just
Or/Cons/Reform, but also unaffiliated - are invited to and turn out to
every bris and upschern and other sinmcha that the Rappaports have.

Teachers from our Day school and UHI (who live in our community )
invite families to their for Shabbat alll the time. One of the rebbeim
who gives private lessons has for years taught Jewish kids who attend
public high school who then stay connected b/c of the kiruv factor long
after they graduate. And, sometimes, they have chosen to live more
observant Jewish lives as adults b/c of this.

There are also functions for families, for youth and specifically for
Israelis in the entire region ( Scranton, Wilkes-Barre and  the
Poconos) which are run by Rabbi Salkow (of the Community Kollel). These
functions accept people exactly at the level they are and seek to form
personal relationships so Jewish adults and kids can simply be friendly
with other Jewish adults and kids. And, surprise! - the group includes
inter-married families. Talk about kiruv!

The Orthodox community also reaches out in subtle ways: The residents
of the Jewish Home get more visits and caring from the Bais Yakov girls
than from any other group of people in town.  If you polled the entire
Board of the Jewish Federation - most of whom are not "frum" - and
asked which institution in town they respect most, believe it or not,
the answer would be "Bais Yakov". That may not be true kiruv, but it's
a subtle force for yiddishkeit. The same is true when yeshiva boys are
always available to help with funerals and burials (which at your stage
of life you cannot appreciate yet) - believe me, people recognize that
they practice what they learn - and it's also a subtle form of kiruv.
Same for the chevrah kaddisha which makes no distinction on which
congregation the deceased is from, but it's the Orthodox who do the
taharas.

There is also a lot of person-to-person kiruv which you are not aware
of since you haven't really lived here as a participating member of the
community, both one-on-one and families, and informal social
gatherings.

Are there people who are judgemental? Yes. That is true in all
congregations and all communities. Are there issues which arise which
people differ on/ Decidedly, yes. But the community as a whole is far
more open and accepting than you know.
Your written piece is based on the impressions gained during your
younger years, and, as in all things (not just the subject of kiruv),
the impressions from our youth are not necessarily reflective of the
whole or of the now.

I have a question to all those discussing kiruv: What do you each
personally do to be makarev?

bent blue

doing my duty as a scranton girl.  there's this band here i like, called bent blue.  you can check out their stuff here, they have 3 tracks up.  they give a great show, they have a great sound, and they're the nicest, friendliest people.   listening to i'd give anything right now.  it's like matchbox 20, but sweeter, more melodic, and better at tugging at your heart.

stupid ideas

somehow women got the idea from somewhere that all men care about is a hot girl and having sex all the time.  and as much as we may see proof to the contrary, we always come back to this idea.  it's crazy what we do to ourselves because of it.

first of all, i like hot men.  i think they're pretty, and i enjoy looking at them.  that does not mean i want to pursue anything beyond looking for a moment.  i also enjoy looking at beautiful women, and i don't want to date them, either.  as much as there may be a certain look that i find most appealing, the guys i date (and then care about and then find amazingly attractive and - dare i say it?  sexy) don't always look like that.  so why can't i take my own experience and apply it outward, and assume that other people (read: men) can appreciate someone on a purely esthetic level, yet still be more attracted to, say, me?

second, i know that sex or fooling around is definitely not the ikar in the relationships i model and pursue.  but i can't stop thinking that that's what guys want, even when i know that the guy i'm with wants that and so much more.

well, here's a fun little article to play with my conceptions:
HOLDING hands and cuddling are rated more highly than sex by the average American guy, a new survey claimed today.

and just so you all know, i made lasagna (for the first time) today, and it smells awesome.  yay dani!

kiss me

a one minute kiss burns 26 calories


a person spends about 2 weeks of his or her life kissing


a person spends about 2 weeks of his or her life waiting for traffic lights to change.  puts things in perspective, huh?  i would have thought kissing merited more time than waiting for the light to change.  sad.  i think maybe i'll be a kissing advocate.  "fair time for kissing!"  stupid traffic lights


does that count just waiting while driving, or passengering too?


and i want to know if that counts when walking, too


if i were going to make the numbers up, it'd be that you spend 2 weeks on traffic lights, and 2 years on kissing.  (that's a lot of kissing)  and a one-minute kiss would burn 100 calories. not a puny 26.  kissing is nicer than waiting for traffic lights.  (that's a lot of kissing).  unless you kiss as you wait...  then you can wait and get a workout all at the same time

thanksgiving update

funny, mix of adam sandler's thanksgiving song and weekend update, totally by accident.

anyhow.  to catch everyone up - on weds my friend ari came and picked me up.  we drove to NYC, straight to city college where i start getting stuff ready for school for next semester.  then we went to someone's apt, and chilled there, barely sleeping tat night, of course. and eating a ridiculous amt of cake.  agh, getting fat.  but it was damn good.

thursday morning was the football game.  eizeh kef bishvil dani.  got some great pics on ari's and benyomin's cameras, hoping they actually develop them at some point.  from there we went to brooklyn, to orly, for thanksgiving dinner.  dinner was great, the company was fantastic.  then we went out to see love, actually (review was posted yesterday).

friday i headed of to queens, to my cousins'.  more kef.  and motz"ash i went off to the city to see a friend, and once again barely slept.  then i came back to scranton today.

if you want details, you'll have to ask pointed questions.  thanks, and goodbye.

movie review: love, actually

Someone is trying to have a thought.  please bear with us:

I was sort of thinking about how Pulp Fiction marked, at least in America, the beginning of the multiple-storyline-fractured-narrative movie when the Brits are the ones that really do the best jobs with it.  Take Gosford Park.  Thousands of characters, millions of plotlines intersecting, and it all sort of made sense by the end.  So...Love Actually wasn't quite on that level in terms of complexity (there were only 11 couples (dani thinks 12, but she's just wrong.  claudia schiffer was the resolution of a different relationship, not half a relationship in her own right) as opposed to the millions in GP) or ingenuity of plotlines (after all, LA was essentially a glorified chickflick).  Still, watching the various plotlines and personalities unfold and intersect was still more entertaining than the actual plots themselves.  Talk about form over substance.

Even better, Rowan Atkinson (Mr. Bean, Black Adder, et al) looms over the movie like a sort of a demigod, swooping down twice when his intervention was required at key plot turning points.  He wasn't at his top form (in his real-life role he's Funniest Man Alive, after all), but, well, he is Rowan Atkinson, and he's in a movie, and I saw it, so all is well with the universe.  And, he played his roles perfectly.  Funny, slightly off-putting, and so totally himself.

 

dani: i liked the movie.  i suggest that if you have a sense of humor and some tolerance for sappiness, you see it, and enjoy it.  shavua tov, everybody.  <singing> i feel it in my fingers, i feel it in my toes...

disclaimer: i do not endorse watching nakedness and soft porn.  but they give you plenty of time to look away.  and it's great for the whole "let me gaze into your eyes instead of sitting next to you and staring at a huge flickering screen" moment that we all take so rarely.

happiness is...

a comfortable shabbat with your cousins. a brisk walk in the biting breeze. falling deeply into a mattress, and into sleep. debating issues to get to know what others think, not to fight or try to resolve them. kissing your cousin with a loud smacking noise while she's washing dishes and then stepping back to watch the grin spread over her so-familiar and now so-grown up face. moving back to NY.

d & g

on the subway today i realized that if i needed to write a personal, it would go something like this:

wide-eyes romantic seeks soft-spoken cynic to share sense of the absurd. must love learning, reading, music, and movies. appreciation of random british humor a plus. super-heroes, LA gear, and a coffee habit - if you've got them, i think you're cute.

argh

throwing pillows at girls is very rude.  and entirely inappropriate.  as is letting them get tackled and tickled when they're just trying to blind someone with a blue beam of painful light.

(you are so fired)

NY NY

once again, i'm in NY, this time bearing pumpkin pie, mini-cakes, and canollis.  fun and excitement abound.  i shouldbe going to watch the balloons get blown up tonight, and by blown up i mean filled, but i'm not sure if i'm in the mood for extended socializing. ok, i know i'm not, but i said i would go, and therefore i should.  gah.  stupid ethics.

and tackle football in the morning, always entertaining to watch my friends try to kill one another.  what a brilliant holiday.

torat chaim, feb 3, 1999

i'm cleaning up my room and finding all kinds of bits and pieces.

some notes from a class called Torat Chaim that i'd like to share:

These are relationship tips from a class I took with an amazing woman.  They work with every relationship, but were given to us framed in reference to marriage.  I’ve found them to be helpful in all kinds of situations, and wanted to share.

 

Criticism

It’s never comfortable to give criticism.

• “I” messages
  
• Never criticize in public, even in a kidding way.
  
• Tone of voice - non-aggressive, not necessarily direct.
  
• Show that you care
  
• Pick your moment
  
• Wait til you calm down a little
  
• Be sure you’re in a position to say it
  
• Stick to your topic
  
• Say ‘it’ not ‘you’
  
• Don’t generalize
  
• Cushion it.

Don’t over do it

Don’t only before you’re going to criticize

• Work with him on giving/receiving positive feedback.  Make it a way of life.

Don’t get nervous or frightened.

Seek first to understand, then to be understood

• Don’t jump
  
• Don’t nag

You want to be the one he tells his worries/fears/dreams to.  You want to be his outlet, be there for him.

 

Benefit of the doubt.  Easier to judge favorably if you’re not so close.  Ask “what happened”, not “where were you”.

 

Disagreement

• Never generalize – you’re bringing in too much to deal with
  
• Don’t be offensive; they’ll get defensive
  
• If the other is generalizing, point it out.  “Let’s not generalize.”
  
• Reason it out without insults.

Trying to stop someone from insulting you by insulting them is like throwing oil on a fire to put it out

• Be aware not to respond tit for tat.  Don’t just let it go, but don’t answer in the same way.  Use sensitivity.

Effective communication takes work.

• If a person has difficulty understanding you, don’t repeat it in the same way.  The message is “I don’t care if you understand, I just want to express myself.”
  
• Don’t say that something is ridiculous – ask what they mean.

 

And that’s where my notes end… bell must have rung.

80's again

quiz time!

kiruv 2

i was going to post this in the comments, but i figure more ppl would see it if it's here:

the response i've been getting from this post has been overwhelming.  i wasn't expecting this.  um...  it's really cool and eye opening to see that a lot of people are into the idea of making Judaism and Jewish learning more communal than it is.  it makes me happy, cause i sometimes feel like a voice coming out of left field.

this is one of those topics where i'm hearing from friends from the entire jewish spectrum saying "yeah, we agree, we want that".  ok, maybe this is the *only* topic where i've seen a response like that.

so...  who wants to join me in a once a week 'something' as of january when i'm back in NYC?

farkers strike again

2003-11-25 12:29:17 PM

Big_Bad_Dad

Speech my dad gave us often
Now listen kids, here's the scoop. You're a bunch of little humans that have no rights when it comes to making decisions for yourselves. That is why I am here. Others may not think I am the best or the brightest but I am as far as you are concerned. I am the law. I make the rules and you will follow them. When you are at school or anywhere in public, act as if I am standing right behind you, watching your every move. Because in essence, I am watching every move you make. And always treat your mother as if she were a godess. Do all thse things and you will be a very successful person and may live to see adulthood. When it is your turn to make the rules. I love you. Now go outside and play.

 

 

  -- must.  memorize. speech. --

zero tolerance bites the dust

zero tolerance, one of those plans that as you first heard about it you started making worst case scenario jokes...  well, that worst case sceario is here.

is it time to start using brains when creating policy yet?

2003-11-25 12:19:49 PM

Woodchipper

Obituary: Common Sense

Today we mourn the passing of an old friend by the name of Common Sense.

Common Sense lived a long life but died from heart failure at the brink of the millennium. No one really knows how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He selflessly devoted his life to service in schools, hospitals, homes, factories and offices, helping folks get jobs done without fanfare and foolishness.

For decades, petty rules, silly laws and frivolous lawsuits held no power over Common Sense. He was credited with cultivating such valued lessons as to know when to come in out of the rain, the early bird gets the worm, and life isn't always fair.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn), reliable parenting strategies (the adults are in charge, not the kids), and it's okay to come in second.

A veteran of the Industrial Revolution, the Great Depression, and the Technological Revolution, Common Sense survived cultural and educational trends including feminism, body piercing, whole language and "new math."

But his health declined when he became infected with the "If-it-only-helps-one-person-it's-worth-it" virus. In recent decades his waning strength proved no match for the ravages of overbearing federal regulation.

He watched in pain as good people became ruled by self-seeking lawyers and enlightened auditors. His health rapidly deteriorated when schools endlessly implemented zero tolerance policies, reports of six-year-old boys charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, a teen suspended for taking a swig of mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student. It declined even further when schools had to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student but cannot inform the parent when the female student is pregnant or wants an abortion.

Finally, Common Sense lost his will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses, criminals received better treatment than victims, and federal judges stuck their noses in everything from Boy Scouts to professional sports.

As the end neared, Common Sense drifted in and out of logic but was kept informed of developments, regarding questionable regulations for asbestos, low flow toilets, "smart" guns, the nurturing of Prohibition Laws and mandatory air bags.

Finally when told that the homeowners association restricted exterior furniture only to that which enhanced property values, he breathed his last.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by three stepbrothers: Rights, Tolerance and Whiner.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

cool news!

7000 total hits, 2500 this month, as of just now.  literally, in the past 40 minutes.

and i'm moving back to the heights!  yay yay!

last thing you'll ever see

pennies

i like money.  i like web sites about money.

shockity shock shock

Which Animaniacs Character are You?

You're cute! And, when you're not, it's not pretty. Sure, you like girly stuff, like pink frilly outfits, flowers, adorable baby animals, tiny boxes that you can't fit anything in, and tiny doll-sized clothing, but you're also quite the firebrand! People who scorn you, and just plain stupid people who get in your way, often pay dearly. You are nearly as likely to jump up and kiss someone as to drop an anvil on someone's head! You are not the sort to be trifled with. You are, after all, Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fana Bo Besca, the Third.
Click here to see my Livejournal.

kiruv

the community i live in does not sanction kiruv.  the thinking is that as long as each (frum) family takes cares of its own, and keeps those kids frum, they have no further obligation into the community.  and if a kid gets lost along the way, there's a bit of shame and gossip involved, but not much more.  as far as the kids who don't grow up in an orthodox home, there's no means of learning.  we have a day school that keeps going more and more to the right (they want to split the boys and girls in kindergarten in a community where a big grade is 15 kids; as a child i was yelled at for singing hatikva), making anyone not yeshivish feel v unwelcome.  we have a bais yakov which in my day consisted of 13 girls in 3 grades and one classroom (oh, but we had uniforms.  G-d forbid we ease up on the ugly parochial school uniforms!).  we have a yeshiva which has a history of poor secular education and encouraging students to cut off contact with their less frum families (although the parents were still expected to provide tuition).  we have a kollel.  we have no NCSY chapter, a USY chapter, one Rabbi who learns with the non-Orthodox community, a Talmud Torah run by the Conservative temple...  there is v clear and v sharp line between frum and frei.

people speak of kiruv in general lofty terms.  but what do they mean by it?  do they mean giving people a background in Judaism?  a doorway into experiencing a full Shabbat?    a way of relating to history and therefore having a stronger Jewish identity?

in my (limited) experience, i have found that the actual meaning of kiruv to most people is "i will take this nebbuch of a not-frum person, and educate him or her to be holding exactly where i am, cause that's takkeh frum".  people say that they embrace chozrei b'tshuva, but i have seen people become more religious without going as far to the right as the people who brought them in, and they are shunned.  they are made to feel that all of their accomplishments aren't worth anything.  and why?  are they shomrei shabbat and kashrut?  yes.  do they actively pursue a halachic life?  yes.  do they try to grow and improve their relationship with G-d?  yes.  so what's the issue?

to put it bluntly, from the perspective of some rebbeim and educators and even kiruv organizations, unless the person becomes chareidi, chassidish, or otherwise a carbon copy of whoever is doing the 'outreach', they have failed.  not only is this totally insane, but the implications of how they view the rest of the Orthodox world and general Jewish society is staggering.

in my ideal world in my head, everyone who learned about Judaism would choose to practice it actively, and to be Orthodox on some level.  but realistically, what i would love is for people to have the opportunity to learn, and then figure out where they are.  imagine the opportunities we could have!  picture a yeshiva where people come from all backgrounds and learn together, and walk out as individuals, each with their own way of understanding and relating to Torah.  can you see how tremendous it would be for me to sit and have a chavrusa with my Conseravtive cousin and my Munkaczer cousin?  to learn Torah and halacha and hashkafa together, and understand and respect each other's differences?

kiruv can not be about making the person achieve some ideal set in somebody's head.  it has to be about letting people learn, and decide who they are, and how Judaism factors into that.  i think Judaism is so beautiful, so open, with a place for every person and every interest.  well, almost every interest.  *grin*.  when i envision my children, i see them anywhere from chareidi with seamed stockings and pillboxes over their sheitels to fully MO, from yeshivish to hardcore tzioni.  as long as each of them becomes who they are meant to be, and does it from the heart, the soul.

that being said, it saddens me that such a resource of active Jewish living such as my (Ortho) community is cut off from the rest of the Jewish community here.  there is instead resentment, judgement, an absolute inability to communicate on any level past pat pleasantries.  we should all be part of one big Jewish community, where we learn about each other, and feel like a family - not agreeing or approving of everything the other does, but helping and teaching and learning.

funny song to quote from, but still, he did have a point:

Imagine all the people

Living life in peace

You may say I'm a dreamer

But I'm not the only one

so

my weekend.  it was so v good.  the ride on thursday was great, i had so much fun with Mrs. Fink.  then i hung out @ YU-town, and i have to say - i'm pretty pissed off about the way i've been treated buyt this school.  sorry to interrupt all the happiness with a mini-rant, but i'm tired of a certain dean treating me how she likes somply because she's in the mood, even when it totally flies in the face of school policy.

so i hung out in the library for bit, which was nice - i've missed 5a, my old stomping grounds.  then i met up with a friend, and we wandered off to watch boondock, but stopped in all of the excitement of meredith coming over.  then we randomly stayed up til 3, when we stopped being up.  ah.  friday i slept straight through my wake up call, then woke up and promptly thought "huh, i dimly recall hearing a phone ring...  somewhere."  then i bought stuff and cooked stuff, some of it all the way to being edible, and setup for shabbat dinner and my lovely 'guest-ies' (considering i was staying @ someone else's apt, and all).  we were up til 1 am, eating yummy scranton-made dessert and gummi fish/cherries.  then sleep.  in fact, i slept so nicely that i missed leining.  whoops.  got there in time for the last pasuk.  <bad dani!>

then my friend and i ran away for lunch at other friends of mine, and we had a v fun time.  and won @ trivial pursuit, with a little communal cheating at the end ("oh, look, you rolled a 3.  go for the wedge.  just go for it, dammit!").  yay smartness.  we actually hung out til after havdalla, which was v fun(ny).  i always have a good time when i go to visit them.

saturday night we decided that we absolutely had to eat strawberries and whipped cream.  i can not tell you of the over-indulgence, it was sickening.  let me just say that afterwards, we managed to consume popcorn, pizza, and french fries.  and within the hour, i was back in bed.  yes, i think i do have a death wish, why do you ask?

and today was just crazy.  i checked out an apt that looks great, really sweet/frum/normal/cool girls (define that how you like, i doubt it will agree with my definitions, mostly cause i feel like being oppositional right now).

i ended up having to leave NY today instead of staying through tomorrow.  stupid rides and situations and other badness.  but i'll be back on weds for a macy's day parade balloon blowing party.  yay yay.  and then a football game, and the se'udah (did i really just call it the se'udah?), and then...  who knows?  <evil laughter>

MUST TO SLEEP.  gnight

pass the inhaler

ephy catches another scary piece of news...

wow, cool

i'm not sure who runs this site, but how v cool that i'm linked to it.  thanks!

i have been remiss

i apparently am not as good at being a best friend as i thought i was.  jessica, my best friend, has a blog, and for some reason i never linked to it.  maybe if ppl start leaving her comments, things like "spike rocks", and "redheads should wear pink", she'll be inspired to post more.

maybe not.

or you can tell her the truth, that she's got enough ego to fill the web, and she should start sharing some of her lofty opinions with us pleebs.  or some such...  haha.  T-Nibbler!

: )

i'm back, i'm planning out life, it's v fun, and i had a wonderful shabbat.  hm, what else can i tell  you?  it helps to pay attention to when you put the chicken in the oven, because otherwise it may end up not 100% cooked when you take it out.  <blush>

also, having an eiruv rocks, rainbows are COOL, and i still want a grumpy care bear.  a big one.

as we long suspected

the picture's not loading, but suffice it to say, i came up as Gay Bear on the Dysfunctional Care Bear quiz.  as did my boyfriend.

i'm an athlete

funniest SNL sketch ever.

"those little chocolate donuts give me just the kick of sugar I need to get me going in the morning."

and i don't want to hear any comparisons between this genius and chris farley, got it?

rawk

ok, stupid, but i was offered coffe, and i said yes, primarily because capuccino is a huge weakness for me, heavily influenced by who was doing the offering.  i got a ride into NY today with a woman from scranton who grew up in italy during the war and is ridic cool and we had a great time together, even stopped on the way to shop.  la.  so now i'm all hyper and bouncy and exceedingly happy and it's funktastic (thanks for the word,mottels, i use it all the time), and i'm still kinda annoyed at YU for being arseholes, but i'll get over it.

apprently milan is the place to be in august/sept, or venice.  or tuscany.  or anywhere in italy.  remind me of this when i have time and money.

angel

was fantastic tonight.

angel, spike, spike, angel.  ahhhhh!  how do you decide?

hm

i accidentally caught the tail end of smallville while waiting for angel just now, and they were playing johnny cash's cover of NIN's hurt, which reminded me that i think it's a fantastic cover, and e/o should hear it.

also, a little late, but did e/o get their flu shots?

big news - i went for a blood test and i didn't pass out!  as some of you may recall, right before tisha b'av i had to get 5 vials drawn, and i passed out and had a seizure and totally freaked out the nurse who was attending me.  or so she said.  al i know is i woke up feeling v peaceful and rested (as i usually do after having my blood drawn), and then i felt nauseous later, and that's all i remember.  they were not thrilled to see me this morning.  yay for not passing out!

ubersmart

attack of the genius people!  my friend zvi's blog is newly operational, should be pithy if not incisive (his word, not mine),  so, a big welcome to zvi rosen for (belatedly) joining the blogging world.  i feel like she-ra, princess of power.  not sure why.

um, 3 hours?

mindlessly wide-eyed and awake at close to 5 this morning, i found myself v annoyed with a world in which my friends on the west coast had given up on me and gone to sleep, my friends in england and israel were at work or school, and my east coatsers were a few hours away still from waking for minyan.  in my frustration, i stopped the music on my laptop, put it down, and curled up on the couch to think about what i'd rather be doing than trying to sleep.

i have no wondrous conclusion for you, because next i knew it was painfully-early-in-the-morning o'clock, and here i am, the walking-dead looking.  you know what i mean.  eyes a little glazed, slightly bloodshot, when i walk i feel a little sick...  thank G-d i don't operate machinery any heavier than an iMac.  fun to start the morning with de-phazz, mambo craze.  hee hee.  i swear, if music can't wake me up, nothing can.  damn those caffiene gods and their dangerously addictive ways!  this is their revenge for my utter rejection of the life they tantalizingly dangled before me.  <dreaming of cappucino>

perfect girlfriend?

-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
places. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

quick addendum - i like flowers every once in a while (thanks for reminding me, meredith).  specifically of the sunflower/daisy variety, but anything will do.

scenes from stern, nov. 13, 2002

In a small, enclosed area, six students sit together on love seats and ignore each other’s presence. Discarded snack bags are laying on the table next to the leftovers from someone’s dinner. The smell of mustard permeates the air. The students in the room are standing or sitting quietly. All that can be heard is the occasional sound of gum chewing, someone sipping water, and soda machines rumbling. Above all these, however, blares the television, which has so enraptured the students. Security and other students pass through the room, mostly silent, other than one interchange – a girl walks and greets her friend quickly, “Hey, how are you?” and leaves before getting a response. There is no verbal communication between the six whatsoever, yet there is still something that connects all of these students to each other. The silence stretches, long and grave. There is a heaviness of emotion that is felt in their silence, a reaction to the show they are watching. It’s as if an agreement was reached non-verbally that they all will sit as a group and feel it together. Suddenly there is a hum of action, the mood is broken, and a student leaves. A commercial has come on, and the six students separate once again into individuals and move on. 

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

The cafeteria is brightly lit, yet still claustrophobia inducing. It smells of greasy food. Conversation bounces off of the walls and pillars. Joyce sits at a register, greeting the people who approach her to check out with their food. The students come near with their food in hand, set it down, and say just enough to pay for their dinner. “Chicken”, or “French fries”, is all that they’ll share. Joyce enters the amounts into the register as she says, “Hey, how are you? How are your midterms treating you?” Most of the students don’t respond to her. Two students, Carla and Tzipa, stop to chat for a moment, but most of the girls only speak to each other. Joyce starts talking to Esther, who works at the other register, and the two of them strike up a conversation until the phone rings. Joyce has to answer it. “I get to work the parties,” Joyce says, “I get to cater.” The students keep moving by her silently, never noticing that she is more than an extension of a machine. “I try to talk to everybody,” she says. “I want to know how they are, and make sure that life isn't over-whelming them.”

how cool

thanks to avraham for telling me about this conference, which i will try to catch at least part of while i'm in israel.  ISRAEL!  yeah, it's been way too long, more about that in the morning.

ah, bayla

me: i want you to search our auras
me: and be happy with me
me: : )
b-bop: i want to yayayayayayayaya!
me: and we can dance like shooting flame through out the streets
b-bop: whooohooo!

what a beautiful person i have as a friend.  *grin*  i missed you, red.  welcome back.  i like who i am when i talk to you.

is the noise in my head bothering you?

about to take a nap, and i want to tell everyone something.  i miss NY.  i wish i were there.  from the gray streets to the rushing droning subways, the traffic, and the unavoidable stench of people...

sarah mclachlan, rainbow connection:

Why are there so many
Songs about rainbows,
And what's on the other side?
Rainbows are visions,
they're only illusions,
and rainbows have nothing to hide.
So we've been told and some choose to
believe it.
But I know they're wrong, wait and see.

Someday we'll find it,
The Rainbow Connection,
the lovers, the dreamers and me...

Who said that every wish
would be heard and answered
when wished on the morning star?
Somebody thought of that,
and someone believed it,
and look what it's done so far.
What's so amazing,
that keeps us star gazing,
what do we think we might see?

Someday we'll find it
That Rainbow Connection
The lovers the dreamers and me

All of us under its spell; we know that it's probaby magic.

Have you been half asleep?
And have you heard voices?
Yes, I've heard them calling my name.
Is this the sweet sound that calls
The young sailors?
The voice might be one and the same.
I've heard it too many times to ignore it -
There's something that I'm supposed to be

Someday we'll find it
The Rainbow Connection
The lovers, the dreamers and me

lalaliladadaladidaladida...  ooooooooooh

tired girl, head down, drifting, dreaming.

that was wrong

it has been brought to my attention that due to my lack of sleeping, i've been typing such things as "will kiss your ass" instead of "will kick your ass", which as you may know has a slightly different connotation.

this, then, is my formal apology for saying/typing things that don't, technically, make sense in english.  i don't mean to confuse you or lose you or even offend you, except for the times when i do mean to.  because that's just fun to me.  but other than that, i did not mean to imply some of the things i have seemingly stated.

thank you for understanding.  or not, but letting it go.

sometimes

things come when you're not expecting them on any level. all you can do is embrace it and run with it and see what it becomes. it can be beautiful, and so worthwhile that you look back and wonder why it seemed such a big deal that you were caught unawares. maybe i was wrong and i do like roller coasters after all. i was always a water ride girl - i liked the security. now i see what i've missed out on by not taking chances

shallow

i have this weird way of shopping.  it's a bit of an obsession.  if i walk into a store with light blue shirts, sweaters, hats, or scarves, i have to take them each, one by one, hold then across my face, and see if they match my eyes.  i've been doing it for a few years now, and i think it has gotten kinda old for those around me (part of why i love to shop alone).  i feel like it's egotistical, but on the Grand Scale of egoism, it barely registers.  i like my eyes.  they're my favorite feature.  so if i want them to stand out, they'll stand out, dammit!

sometimes i realize i could look so good all of the time.  then i realize that i don't care enough, which may be why i prefer dressing and shopping for other people.  so instead, i have all these baby blue hats, scarves, sweatshirts, sweaters, tee shirts, button downs, crewnecks...  i've yet to find the absolute match, but that's probably because my eyes change with my moods.  they're bright and clear blue when i'm tired or sick.  grey when i'm sad.  green when i'm excited.  and a lovely mix of the 3 when i'm just me.  that's all i've noticed, at least.  why do i care?  i'm not sure.  but i do.

and i think i expect you to, as well.

the big news on friday

i met my first anonymous reader.  way cool, btw.  jon - it was cool to meet you, sorry i was in a rush.  thanks for reading, thanks for enjoying.  : )

i have to go float, plan, and dream.  good night, dears.

plugging away

as ephshap has been pounding into our heads, he always has the latest news.   he is also fascinated by www.newyorksaysthankyou.org, the fire relief effort inspired bya 5 year old.

check out his site - newly redesigned, latest news...  and totally ironic commentary.  who can ask for more?

cutbacks

(thanks to jason rife, valiantly making fun of his corps in the air force out in arizona)

grumpy teaches us not to frown

college is for ha ha

kicking the funny around at ilan's blog.  btw, didn't you spell that elon when we were little?

day time TV sucks

music in my head right now:

little hershey kisses have big big chocolate!  (it's a great song, really.  sing it to yourself a few times).  trivia question: which painter is responsible for the work "American Gothic"?

ok, now i'm hungry and will go ravaging for food.  oh!  speaking of - noshaholic over here ate her way through moztei shabbat, one food type per movie watched.  pizza bagels, popcorn, raisinettes, and ice cream.  and i somehow have lost 6 pounds since i last checked.  funny!  i think my new diet may be no sleep and a lot of junk food.

shabbat

so, yes, i had possibly the best weekend ever.  i went to NY on thursday, went to stern, do't want to talk about it, went uptown and met someone for dinner.  then we went to my friends' apt, and watched yet anohter movie with a great rep taht is absolute crap.  well, truth be told, we kinda stopped watching and started talking instead, like all smart people do during realy bad movie with obvious plot twists and bad acting.

friday we went to Penn with a bunch of the chevra, and had an amazing shabbat.  i can't even contain it enough to decribe, so i'll throw in bits and pieces.  we stopped at princeton on the way to pick up a friend, grabbed lunch (their hillel is beautiful, and so friendly!), then onward to penn.  philly was fantastic.  no other way to describe it.  Dr. Brill was great, and if i'd had more sleep i would try to explain what i saw during meditation, but as it stands at the moment, i can't get the words out in proper order.

friday night - up til 6 am.  bad idea.  trust me.  back up @ 11 or so, deep talks about death and relationships continuing after death, and then on to lunch, and conversations about sheitels and engagneemnt rings and how tradition is silly (diamonds are ugly, people).

then more talking and singing and Dr. Brill being smart, then talking, and driving to NY.  haha.  and no sleep at all.  but we watched 4 good movies and ate a lot of food.  ok, i'm too tired to make this interesting, so i will finish filling you in tomorrow, kiddies.  lotsa love, lotsa chocltae soy milk, and lotsa fish.  <WOOT!>

for more info on the weekend, refer to deep thoughts by avraham.

also - sorry i'm so spaced, but as we figured out, from weds morning til this afternoon, i slept a total of 13 hours.  ack...

shabbat

G-d loves.  G-d forgives.  the question is, how much can we emulate G-d's behavior, and learn to love and forgive ourselves?

i've been through some very hard things.  and the way i reacted to them was very unhealthy for me.

when i broke shabbat, it made everything feel like nothing.  all the meaning that i understood there to be in live was gone, leaving a blankness, a numbness that enveloped me.  i remember weighing my friday night activities vs keeping shabbat and finding it all to be so meaningless and unconnected to me.  and i wanted to be connectd. i wanted to hurt.  i wanted to feel guilt, somehting big.  but i realized that when i stepped out of shabbat, i stepped out of G-d's world, and i removed and form of a conduit i had with Him, other than the most basic one of feeling the lack of His presence.

so i fought, and i clawed, and i destroyed and rebuilt everything around me.  everything in me that left me feeling unsure.  i'm talking relationships, hashkafot, things i thought about myself...

i searched back through my life, looking for times when i was happy, sane, stable.  i found that my identity could not be separated from the fact that i am a Jew, and i love God, and He loves me.  i started with that simple fact, and then did what we should all do when a relationship needs to be rekindled.  i called Him.  i'm not going to recount for you the exact conversation.  but i will tell you what one of my rebbeim told us once, back before i could appreciate what he was telling me.

the kids who are chozrim bitshuva are kids we should all respect and look up to.  but the kids we should look to in total awe are the kids who never left the derech, the kids who are still tempted by the outside world.  we, as chozrei bitshuva, know that the world outthere is empty.  we have tasted of it, and armed with that knowledge, chosen truth and meaning.  those kids - they choose to stick while still believeing that that world has anything to offer.  we already know better.

i put my life back together, and brought into it a new appreciation for what i could do with my life, with my Jewish and religious self.  every day now i am aware and i am thankful for the opporunity i have to live a religious life, and have and make a beautiful relationship with God.  i will never sway from this, never veer.  because i know what it is to not have God, to not have Shabbat, and to have no reason to live.

26 Jan 1999

shmu, you seem to enjoy my 19 year old self.  well, here's more of my crackheadedness, still culled from old emails:

so, i write to you now from a contaminated school.  OUTBREAK!  nothing to
be scared about.  two girls have mild cases of hepatitis A, and the rest of
us have to get shots and go into quarantine.  okay, i'm kidding about the
quarantine. . .  anyhow, i miss you all, and i want you to know that there
is nothing good to eat when you live in a dorm.  these two statements are
very much connected - if i were at home with you, ima could be making me
food.  okay, i guess you're not appreciating my humor. 

so, we're in the middle of finals.  literally, i'm taking my chumash final
as i type.  j/k, i don't have a chumash final this time.  actually, you'll
be glad to note that i not only studied for my navi final, but i took it
today and there's a strong chance that i passed.  we also had a toras chaim
final (remember ima, the young lady with her head screwed on straight), and
it was cool.  tomorrow we have history, then trei assar, and then a
mandatory speech from the dean of ma'alot in NY.  history shouldn't be too
bad, it's just a ton of material, but trei assar is going to be a
nightmare.  she's a very mdakdek teacher, and she flies in class.  she left
for maternity leave before chanuka, and was back one day before finals,
but missed our class due to traffic.  so we're going in blind, no idea what
to expect, and it's a major pain in the tuchus.   i'm not too happy about
that.  i even got a little stressed out this week.  the joys of academia.
anyhow, how's life with you?  i picked up the pictures from the novicks.
and i noticed how thoughtful you all were in sending letters, pictures,
updated pictures of aliza, and such.  once again, thank you family for
showing me that you care. 

i totally forgot: MAZAL TOV TO EVERYBODY ON RIVKY'S ENGAGEMENT!!!!!!!!!
yes, i know that i'm a total ditz for forgetting, but it's so hard to
remember everything <giggle>  anyhow, why don't you guys all take a break
from the computer, sit, write me a note, short or otherwise (preferably
otherwise), make me feel loved again, and keep your nasty thoughts to
yourself.  bais hillel vs. bais shammai:  kaitzad merakdim lifnai hakalla?
do we tell her the truth that she's an ugly fat witch with horrendous,
atrocious, and ostentatious taste in everything from the drapes down to the
challah, or do we lie like the rugs we are at heart and compliment her fine
makeup job? (better to comment on the makeup job than the nose job,
children)  bais hillel wins out - kinda - and says treat her as she is seen
through the eyes of her chatan, which is hopefully as the most beautiful
woman in the world, or else that marriage is in for a bit of trouble.  my
point in this whole thing?  who said you have to have a point?  okay, this
time i actually do as opposed to usually when i just blab to hear the sound
of my own voice, but considering that i'm not talking, and all i'm really
doing is adding more trauma to my fingertips, i gotta have a point this
time.  so, i do.  remember that in the eyes of someone one day, i will be
the most beautiful woman in the world, AHAHAHAH!!!!!  no, that wasn't my
point.  hmmm.  oh, yeah, this is it:  just write to me, lie a little, and
tell me how much you miss me.  make me feel special and loved, and you will
definitely get a portion in the world to come.  of corse, you'll be going
to hell for lying, but hey, as long as i'm happy!

so, be good, and know that i love you all (yes, akiva, you are
supposed to be reading my email).  i love you.  i say that a heck of a lot,
but i want it ingrained to your scalps, with magic marker and a rusty tin
can "DANI LOVES ME".  have a good one, family of mine, be healthy, wealthy,
warm, and wise, and keep missing me 'til i see you in march/april/i have no
idea when i'm going home. 

write back if you know what's good for you.

pink dancing monkeys

i love my socks.  they're stiped, baby blue and lt. cerulan, with happy pink monkeys on them.  i'm not sure why.  but they match underwear i have.  god bless aeropostale.

i'm coming to NY today(!!!), and i'm meeting with an academic advisor and R' Kanarfogel, and then uptown to hang out and do dinner.  and catching up stuff.  and then potentially no sleep.  which is v happy, as well.  and penn for shabbat with a group of ppl i like and respect (what a cool combination that is).  i'll catch you up on all the news when i get back from my extravagant weekend.  : )

to have kids

anon: but in a nutshell it is: i have always been upset that i am so 'critically engaged'  in all areas of my life except the emotional-romantic.  and in that area, even knowing that marriage is a construct, etc. etc., i've still been seeking traditionality.  and that makes me feel intellectually dishonest.  or at least the potential for intellectual dishonesty, as well as the potential for a bad marriage.  but here is this odd-ass possibility, that means that in this area i would HAVE TO be critically engaged.  at all times.  for fear of fucking up a real live child

anon: i would have to be on the ball, self-examing, understanding what is going on at every second.  that is a dream of child rearing.  and a nightmare of child rearing too, of course.  but it is the possibility of an ideal, and i like that.

brdmstryx: cause you're a romantic idealist somewhere in there

anon: yes

brdmstryx: scary

anon: what is?

brdmstryx: being fully engaged.  the potential of it, and knowledge that no one will acheive it.

anon: see, i think its possible.  well, not the ideal.  but not fucking it up that badly.  actually doing pretty well at it

brdmstryx: ok

anon: but scary, yes.  ok, i need to get a drink.  i'll speak to you soon?

the ecstasy of defeat

the sheer irony of it all.  i, the musically obsessed wunderkind, have been invited to a concert tomorrow night.  i'm going to be in NY, and the concert is not.  and for some reason, they won't simply follow me wherever i go.

dammit.  i really love hemorrhage.  i know how disgusting that sounds to those of you who don't know the song.  sorry.

did i mention that it's $20 to see fuel tomorrow night!  in scranton! ?

top ten uses for a sandwich maker, shana alef

looking through my email, came across this list i wrote up one night:

10. melted cheese sandwich
9.  pizza re-heater
8.  omelet maker
7.  hair defrizzer
6.  peanutbutter and banana sandwiches
5.  door stopper
4.  lump at the foot of sara's bed that we leave to see how long it takes
her to clean her bed
3.  that thing we use to balance out the table in the beit midrash
2.  shoe dryer
1.  to cook every single meal we ingest in this hell hole we call our dorm

i think it was funnier then.

mate a movie

this is one of the best photoshop contests i've ever seen

eugh

turkeys are really ugly.  especially when they're naked.

welcome

to daniel and his new blog here @ blog-city, dew.  that's 4 now.  cool.

gah (4 am)

this was supposed  be an early night.  it seriously was.  farking eddie.  : )  there is nothing as good as talking to a good friend on the phone late at night and catching up on stuffy-stuff.  also known as stoofy-stoof, by only by a special few, mostly living in connecticut.

rena (sichel) rosen had a baby boy!  mazal tov!  he's v cute (i went to see him on sunday), with a major shock of black hair.  yay yay.

i like bamba.  i think it's an israeli kid genetic flaw - eat enough of them as you're teething, and you're hooked for life.  how that's genetic is beyond me, but hey, i can make things up.  it's my blog.

my life for the next few months:

9    10    11     12    13    14   15   penn

16   17     18    19    20    21   22   heights?

23   24     25    26    27    28   29   thanksgiving

30    1      2       3     4      5     6    heights/play

 7     8      9     10    11    12   13    scranton

14   15    16     17    18    19   20   israel

21   22    23     24    25    26   27   israel

28   29    30     31      1     2     3   israel

 4     5      6       7      8     9    10  scranton

11   12    13     14    15    16   17  scranton

18   19    20     21    22    23   24  new york!!!!

i'm too excited about being alive to sleep.

sweetness

fark fark fark

hehe  - for anyone similarly obsessed with not so funny things...

playlist

i just went from the boondock saints armageddon mix into billie holiday, dream a little dream of me (with L armstrong, of course).  fantastic segue.

sleater-kinney perks things up a bit, too.  PotUSA, cleveland rocks.  zwan, settle down.

the heat shut off in my house last night for some reason.  which explains why i woke up so easily after sleeping for 4 hours - it was a matter of survival.  </trogdor>

and now i must to babysit les bebes.

ilan

check this out - it's my friend's blog, and he's damn funny.  i love brilliant cornell ppl who grew up in my house and never sleep.

and really do listen through to the end of the blender man song.  it's worth it.