still stuck at -.5 lbs. gr.
to date i have gotten a number of strange marriage proposals. the first that i recall was in the middle of the street on a shabbat afternoon when i was about 14, spatting with a friend's much older brother who stopped and asked me to marry him. in retrosspect i realize he was half serious, and that skeezes me out a bit. ah, well.
the next one i recall was probably a year later when my boyfriend, who was all of 16 at the time, asked me very sincerely and sweetly to wait for him because we were meant to be together. my heart still tugs when i think of him, btw - and we didn't get back togther three years later, although he did repeat the proposal. story for a different time, am getting too emotional for the feel of this post.
next one that comes to mind was my boyfriend at the end of junior year who three weeks into our relationship wanted to know if we should announce our engagement before i went to israel, or right when i got back. hello scaring me off!!!!!!
so it was a hop skip and a jump to break up with my next boyfriend at the beginning of senior year when he bought me a ring for my 18th birthday. nice ring, but boys - be sure and check with your girl before you go planing a wedding. she may not be ready just yet.
i'm just gonna skip a bit cause not only do i not immediately remember, i'm too tired to think about it and dredge up names right now. the next one i want to share is my friend asking me to wait 4 years until he's done with college to marry him. cute boy! no.
then there are my friends, roomates, neither of whom should count other than it's an ongoing game to see if i'll actually agree ot ru noff to vegas with one of them. no, i won't. love you guys dearly, but you'rebeter together then i could ever be with either one of you.
not to be left out, the highly complimentary proposal from across seas, yonder UK, from the dashing gallant i've yet to meet. *kisses* *hugs*
last but not least, an avid proposal tonight from a young stranger who has been charmed by my wily internet ways. otherwise known as blogging and IMing all night. la. he promises taht his is one of the last ones, as my 'dude' is on his way. lovely, thank you all, and to all a good night.
ps - bought little black pointy-toed shoes with a queen anne heel. adorable. they go with the skirt i got @ old navy. fun,shopping for chag @ what is essentially a crapshoot store.
Tuesday, September 30, 2003
Monday, September 29, 2003
oooooh
i forgot to say the yucky part
my house got flooded cause our plumbing got fucked up
it flooded again last night
i'm washing sewage water out of the clothes i had in the basement as we speak. washing everything twice - once on hothothot witha ton of soap, once on cold to make sure all the soap and sewage water got out. kinda gross
my house got flooded cause our plumbing got fucked up
it flooded again last night
i'm washing sewage water out of the clothes i had in the basement as we speak. washing everything twice - once on hothothot witha ton of soap, once on cold to make sure all the soap and sewage water got out. kinda gross
motzei chag
yay! after 2 days of non-stop eating (and my friends and i 'preparing' for the fast day by eating ice cream and cake and pasta... need i go on?) - i am somehow *down* a pound from erev chag.
i guess yesterday accounts for that. here's what my chag was like:
erev chag, i was running errands all day, and with my savti in from israel, a lot of them included her. cool beans, we like savti, although her english and her deafness are kinda funny sometimes in public. or maybe i should say her rampant use of hebrew. whatever. so we ended up at the mall to make returns which means, of course, that i went shopping. bought the most beautiful i have ever owned. i'm in love with it. i'm taling marriage proposals here. so, friday night i went to my sister's house in my new long flouncy black velvet sexy skirt and my new heels which make me a drop taller than my abba, so we're talking almost 4" wedge paltforms.
ok - that part wasn't hard. i went to my sister's, then next door to Finby's (hi finby!). everywhere i went i had to show off my new skirt and new shoes (this is important in a bit). my mother and brother came to pick me up and took me back to sara's for dinner, where to my v happy surprise, my uncle barry, aunt jan, and cousins gregg and andrea had shown up. yay family!
so we all washed, sat down, made kiddush (see, it's genetic). then we had soup. it was good, and my uncle barry declared it perfect. then gregg asked for the salt, and barry made a whole fuss. hee hee. so i made a fuss, cause i like to have uncle barry's approval. lol. ok, really cause we like to pretend that we're hard asses about weird stuff. so i'm like "gregg, come on! what's wrong wih you? salt? you don't need salt. nobody pass the salt to gregg". so he grabs it, and sticks his tongue out at barry. in the little break afforded me, i taste the soup. you know what's coming "gregg, pass the salt! barry, what's wrong with you?!"
k, more food, more funny... then grandma choked on turkey. barry was in the kitchen getting more soup, and we all freaked. grandma was really calm at first, and jan (who's a nurse) told her to cough it out, but she couldn't. when *anythign* happens, we all scream for barry, so we're yelling "barrry, get in here!!!" meanwhile, jan jumps up and gives granmda the heimlich, bt nothiong's dong. then andy starts to look queasy, and i got nervous, so i ran into the kithcen and yelled at barry "go to the dining room! grandma's choking!" i grabbed the soup from hm, and he ran in. jan kept repeating the heimlich, and finally grandma coughed the food out... in time for jan to grab andy's feet and put them up on grandma. andy was out. barry looks at me and goes "now where's that soup?"
anyhow - turns out there's the actual disorder that when you get nervous or nauseous, you pass out. i definitely have the nervous bit... swapping stories of when and where and how we passed out... and this was a calm night for us. til hadar decided to pull out the schnapps for a shana tova l'chaim. : ) let me just say that chocolate liquor was made to be poured over yellow cake, *and* that my tolerance is much lower than it used to be. whoops.
anyhow, fast forward - next day in shul, same skirt, 4" stilletoes.
yay shoes! Mrs. Fink came over and said "i love your skirt". yes! someone who understands me! i giggled, like a little girl, and said thanks! and would have skipped away, but i was wearing stilletos...
fast forward to the next day. just a side note - barry asked me to show him the stilletoes on my feet, and so i put them on, but then he was reading to the kids, and finally after 20 minutes, i was like "um, barry, why am i wearing these?" yeah, he's weird. *grin*
tashlich (it's the most wonderful time of the year)
i went with sara, aliza, koby, benny, abby, emily, penina, fuli, and the entire scranton community. we were running from the house (and smartness here had changed out of her heels and into punk sneakers with rainbows on the bottom. rainbows!).
ever have to take a kid in a jogger down a steep hill? let me tell you - you don't have to walk, just pick up your feet as you go. so we got to shul in record time, walked down and through the university, down the expressway, and to the river. fun. soehow it took us lke 15 minutes to get there and about half an hour or more to get home. the wonder of living in mountains. heehe. and it really is uphill both ways, if you go the right way. craaaaaaazy
i guess yesterday accounts for that. here's what my chag was like:
erev chag, i was running errands all day, and with my savti in from israel, a lot of them included her. cool beans, we like savti, although her english and her deafness are kinda funny sometimes in public. or maybe i should say her rampant use of hebrew. whatever. so we ended up at the mall to make returns which means, of course, that i went shopping. bought the most beautiful i have ever owned. i'm in love with it. i'm taling marriage proposals here. so, friday night i went to my sister's house in my new long flouncy black velvet sexy skirt and my new heels which make me a drop taller than my abba, so we're talking almost 4" wedge paltforms.
ok - that part wasn't hard. i went to my sister's, then next door to Finby's (hi finby!). everywhere i went i had to show off my new skirt and new shoes (this is important in a bit). my mother and brother came to pick me up and took me back to sara's for dinner, where to my v happy surprise, my uncle barry, aunt jan, and cousins gregg and andrea had shown up. yay family!so we all washed, sat down, made kiddush (see, it's genetic). then we had soup. it was good, and my uncle barry declared it perfect. then gregg asked for the salt, and barry made a whole fuss. hee hee. so i made a fuss, cause i like to have uncle barry's approval. lol. ok, really cause we like to pretend that we're hard asses about weird stuff. so i'm like "gregg, come on! what's wrong wih you? salt? you don't need salt. nobody pass the salt to gregg". so he grabs it, and sticks his tongue out at barry. in the little break afforded me, i taste the soup. you know what's coming "gregg, pass the salt! barry, what's wrong with you?!"
k, more food, more funny... then grandma choked on turkey. barry was in the kitchen getting more soup, and we all freaked. grandma was really calm at first, and jan (who's a nurse) told her to cough it out, but she couldn't. when *anythign* happens, we all scream for barry, so we're yelling "barrry, get in here!!!" meanwhile, jan jumps up and gives granmda the heimlich, bt nothiong's dong. then andy starts to look queasy, and i got nervous, so i ran into the kithcen and yelled at barry "go to the dining room! grandma's choking!" i grabbed the soup from hm, and he ran in. jan kept repeating the heimlich, and finally grandma coughed the food out... in time for jan to grab andy's feet and put them up on grandma. andy was out. barry looks at me and goes "now where's that soup?"
anyhow - turns out there's the actual disorder that when you get nervous or nauseous, you pass out. i definitely have the nervous bit... swapping stories of when and where and how we passed out... and this was a calm night for us. til hadar decided to pull out the schnapps for a shana tova l'chaim. : ) let me just say that chocolate liquor was made to be poured over yellow cake, *and* that my tolerance is much lower than it used to be. whoops.
anyhow, fast forward - next day in shul, same skirt, 4" stilletoes.
yay shoes! Mrs. Fink came over and said "i love your skirt". yes! someone who understands me! i giggled, like a little girl, and said thanks! and would have skipped away, but i was wearing stilletos...
fast forward to the next day. just a side note - barry asked me to show him the stilletoes on my feet, and so i put them on, but then he was reading to the kids, and finally after 20 minutes, i was like "um, barry, why am i wearing these?" yeah, he's weird. *grin*
tashlich (it's the most wonderful time of the year)
i went with sara, aliza, koby, benny, abby, emily, penina, fuli, and the entire scranton community. we were running from the house (and smartness here had changed out of her heels and into punk sneakers with rainbows on the bottom. rainbows!).
ever have to take a kid in a jogger down a steep hill? let me tell you - you don't have to walk, just pick up your feet as you go. so we got to shul in record time, walked down and through the university, down the expressway, and to the river. fun. soehow it took us lke 15 minutes to get there and about half an hour or more to get home. the wonder of living in mountains. heehe. and it really is uphill both ways, if you go the right way. craaaaaaazy
Friday, September 26, 2003
Shana tova
shana tova u'metuka
i wish all the best for everyone
a year of shalom, bracha, hatzlacha, health, happiness, beauty, and joy.
and many many smachot.
love you all : )
i wish all the best for everyone
a year of shalom, bracha, hatzlacha, health, happiness, beauty, and joy.
and many many smachot.
love you all : )
Thursday, September 25, 2003
Wednesday, September 24, 2003
picture time!
sara, me, and hadar, florida - chanuka, '82
me and my friends. (note the ET in my lap... sign of the times)
they used to call me peanut. : ) and that's my grandma!
that's how big the splash was from the dolphin. cooooooool
ima's in the background
ahhhhhhhh
today's playlist -
crimson and clover, the velvet underground
doo wop (that thing), lauryn hill
i'm in asshole, dennis leary
uncle john's band, grateful dead
i want candy, punk cover (not sure who sings it, maybe good charlotte?)
traditional irish folk song, dennis leary (he really can sing, by the way)
fuck her gently, tenacious D
creep, radiohead
karma police, radiohead
sweet jane, velvet underground
date rape, sublime
the ballad of bilbo baggins, leonard nemoy
lucy in the sky with diamonds, grateful dead
stacey's mom, fountains of wayne
undone, weezer
overture, marriage of figaro
out on the weekend, neil young
buddy holly, weezer
sweet misery (live), michelle branch
white rabbit, jefferson airplane
hanging around, counting crows
she don't use jelly (vaseline), flaming lips
dead man's party, oingo boingo
my so-called life, the ataris
if you've heard of all of these songs, i think i love you.
i mean that.
no weighing in today - i'm not in the mood. but unless apples account for alot of weight, i think i'll guess at: 0.
thank you and have a good night.
crimson and clover, the velvet underground
doo wop (that thing), lauryn hill
i'm in asshole, dennis leary
uncle john's band, grateful dead
i want candy, punk cover (not sure who sings it, maybe good charlotte?)
traditional irish folk song, dennis leary (he really can sing, by the way)
fuck her gently, tenacious D
creep, radiohead
karma police, radiohead
sweet jane, velvet underground
date rape, sublime
the ballad of bilbo baggins, leonard nemoy
lucy in the sky with diamonds, grateful dead
stacey's mom, fountains of wayne
undone, weezer
overture, marriage of figaro
out on the weekend, neil young
buddy holly, weezer
sweet misery (live), michelle branch
white rabbit, jefferson airplane
hanging around, counting crows
she don't use jelly (vaseline), flaming lips
dead man's party, oingo boingo
my so-called life, the ataris
if you've heard of all of these songs, i think i love you.
i mean that.
no weighing in today - i'm not in the mood. but unless apples account for alot of weight, i think i'll guess at: 0.
thank you and have a good night.
Tuesday, September 23, 2003
late night musings
i just hit 2001 hits to this page - thanks guys. i'd say it's my family checking my site every day to make me feel special, but none of them do. : )
me: are you a pot smoker?
him: no
me: good
him: should i be
me: no. the thing with pot is it makes things so easy
that you want to do it more and more so things will always be easy
and whenever things get hard you think that if you just did pot right then
you could handle it and it'd be easy again
and either you end up doing it all day
or you end up walking from it and missing it whenever life gets real
very few people i know can do i from time to time
you'll meet the nicest ppl
but i think they're nice cause their lives are easy
when life's eays, you can greet everyone with a smile
him: do their lives have meaning?
me: some
it's just easier
am i making any sense here?
him: whats the disadvantage?
me: it's like - they know they have to quit to do somehting with themselves
but it's so easy to take a puff when someone else is
like - this one toke won't throw me off my life path
and they're right - it won't
it's the next one. and the one after that
you're caught in a beautiful dream, like you're in that beatles song, lucy in the sky with diamonds
but sometimes you may realize that you're blocked off from everything and everyone around you
cause you can't feel anything anymore. that's how things get easy
you can't relate - you can't get sad
and when you go off it, you can't remmeber how to relax by yourself
how to get happy from life
him: that sux
me: cause it seems like with pot life always made you happy
but it's not life that makes you happy with pot, it's pot that makes you happy
him: how do u kno this?
me: i have a lot of friends who smoke
and i've tried it. it scared the shit out of me
him: y. u saw all this?
me: cause i only did it those few times
but i saw where i could go with it
and i saw how easy it is to get there.
thus ends my PSA of the month.
me: are you a pot smoker?
him: no
me: good
him: should i be
me: no. the thing with pot is it makes things so easy
that you want to do it more and more so things will always be easy
and whenever things get hard you think that if you just did pot right then
you could handle it and it'd be easy again
and either you end up doing it all day
or you end up walking from it and missing it whenever life gets real
very few people i know can do i from time to time
you'll meet the nicest ppl
but i think they're nice cause their lives are easy
when life's eays, you can greet everyone with a smile
him: do their lives have meaning?
me: some
it's just easier
am i making any sense here?
him: whats the disadvantage?
me: it's like - they know they have to quit to do somehting with themselves
but it's so easy to take a puff when someone else is
like - this one toke won't throw me off my life path
and they're right - it won't
it's the next one. and the one after that
you're caught in a beautiful dream, like you're in that beatles song, lucy in the sky with diamonds
but sometimes you may realize that you're blocked off from everything and everyone around you
cause you can't feel anything anymore. that's how things get easy
you can't relate - you can't get sad
and when you go off it, you can't remmeber how to relax by yourself
how to get happy from life
him: that sux
me: cause it seems like with pot life always made you happy
but it's not life that makes you happy with pot, it's pot that makes you happy
him: how do u kno this?
me: i have a lot of friends who smoke
and i've tried it. it scared the shit out of me
him: y. u saw all this?
me: cause i only did it those few times
but i saw where i could go with it
and i saw how easy it is to get there.
thus ends my PSA of the month.
i swear, i thought she was debbie
i thought i recognized a girl on SbB. turns out her name is amanda, not the girl i was thinking of (a friend from high school), debbie (the girl with the little boy hugging her like he wants to hold onto her until he's hit puberty). if you take the thing out of her stomach, and dye her hair back to brown, it's an exact match. amazing how ppl can look alike...
debbie, i know you're somewhere out there, andd i do hope that you having a great life. and if you're the hot babe who helps make money for ppl at sports events, i hope you really really enjoy it.
also, as of now, starting a new thing. i'm setting a goal for myself to lose some weight (for kicks, health, whatever you want to call it). sso today's weight is officially our zero point. every time i blog i'll post either a positive digit, negative digit, or a zero. what we're looking for is negative, by the way. just so you know. so, today, kids: 0
as the guy on fark said about the little one : now my eyes hurt will
I SAW A TURTLE!
debbie, i know you're somewhere out there, andd i do hope that you having a great life. and if you're the hot babe who helps make money for ppl at sports events, i hope you really really enjoy it.
also, as of now, starting a new thing. i'm setting a goal for myself to lose some weight (for kicks, health, whatever you want to call it). sso today's weight is officially our zero point. every time i blog i'll post either a positive digit, negative digit, or a zero. what we're looking for is negative, by the way. just so you know. so, today, kids: 0
as the guy on fark said about the little one : now my eyes hurt will
I SAW A TURTLE!
Monday, September 22, 2003
i feel like i 'm fighting for my pyschological survival. like i'm trying to claw my way out of suffocating black shrouds thaat drop over me as easily as a spider's web. the weight is in my head, it's in my head, and i can't get it out. i curl up, tighten my body into a protective knot. funny how i use the fetal position to ward off my own mother. her shouts, her accusations, her opinionsof me bang in my head, knocking into one another, verbrtaing intothe deepest corners of my life. i walk into work and expect them to be laughing at me, to hate me, to fire me, to SEE ME FOR WHAT I AM in my mother's eyes. i'm terrified that she will be right one day, that she is right. i try to turn her jabs away from me and back into her, to staunch my flow of blood in her once adoring hands.
i slink away, feeling dirty, rejected, a failure. i don't mean to upset you! i don't mean to not hear you! i'm sorry. i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry. i'd say it a thousand times a day ifit would change how you see me. i'm sorry that i'm not who you wnated me to be, i'm sorry that i didn't shut the door afte myself, i'm sorry that you hate my clothes. i'm sorry that i'm fat, im sorry that i'm not married. i'm sorry that i hurt you with my excistance. i'm sorry that i would leave but it would hurt you more. i'm sorry that i don't know how to help you, i'm sorry that i can't fix you and make you happy again. i'm sorry that i can't turn to you right now with a smile and say "that's all right, ima, i know you didn't mean to make me feel bad" and hug you and kiss you and play "pretend it didn't happen" with you. i'm sorry that i can't make it all better. i'm sorry for everything.
i slink away, feeling dirty, rejected, a failure. i don't mean to upset you! i don't mean to not hear you! i'm sorry. i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry. i'd say it a thousand times a day ifit would change how you see me. i'm sorry that i'm not who you wnated me to be, i'm sorry that i didn't shut the door afte myself, i'm sorry that you hate my clothes. i'm sorry that i'm fat, im sorry that i'm not married. i'm sorry that i hurt you with my excistance. i'm sorry that i would leave but it would hurt you more. i'm sorry that i don't know how to help you, i'm sorry that i can't fix you and make you happy again. i'm sorry that i can't turn to you right now with a smile and say "that's all right, ima, i know you didn't mean to make me feel bad" and hug you and kiss you and play "pretend it didn't happen" with you. i'm sorry that i can't make it all better. i'm sorry for everything.
Friday, September 19, 2003
funny little truths
i just bought a great book, born on a rotten day. it's so funny. i wanted to share a bit about myself, according to the author, Hazel Dixon-Cooper. she's freakily on target for me. this will be funniest for those who know me best, possibly boring for the rest of you. sorry:
the section on virgos is titled "everlasting know-it-alls need love, too"
favorite pastime: worrying (5 minutes late, and i think you're dead)
dream job: closet organizer (it's not funny, i seriously thought bout doing this)
body part: nervous system. you can always spot a virgo by their raw, bleeding fingernails.
virgos:
there isn't an idea you can't improve upon, or a person you can't whip in to shape. You are very intelligent, but can't make any practical use ofyour knowledge, so you end up spouting platitudes and pumping gas.
yours is the sign of the scribe, prosecuting atttorneey, mimic, despot, and anything with critic in the title.
Virgo women:
Tell this woman you will arrive at eight, and you had better be on time, or five minutes early. One minute late is inexcusable.
and a moment about my childhood:
your virgo baby will learn to tie her shoes, dress herself, and have a vocabulary to rival yours by the time she's three. her biggest desire is to help you clean house.
virgo kids smile a lot, even when they stoutly refuse to do what you are yelling at them to do.
quick tips for emergencies:
virgins need routine.
keep them calm with nutritious food and a back rub.
talking about frustration help prevent petulant criticism.
planning is key to getting your way
gaslight them by rearranging their sock drawer. THIS IS SO TRUE! nothing pisses me off more than someone changing a system i had set that was functioning perfectly. gah, i'm gonna turn into my mother. there was also a note in there about correcting everyone's grammar and spelling which i can't find right now. sheesh.
the section on virgos is titled "everlasting know-it-alls need love, too"
favorite pastime: worrying (5 minutes late, and i think you're dead)
dream job: closet organizer (it's not funny, i seriously thought bout doing this)
body part: nervous system. you can always spot a virgo by their raw, bleeding fingernails.
virgos:
there isn't an idea you can't improve upon, or a person you can't whip in to shape. You are very intelligent, but can't make any practical use ofyour knowledge, so you end up spouting platitudes and pumping gas.
yours is the sign of the scribe, prosecuting atttorneey, mimic, despot, and anything with critic in the title.
Virgo women:
Tell this woman you will arrive at eight, and you had better be on time, or five minutes early. One minute late is inexcusable.
and a moment about my childhood:
your virgo baby will learn to tie her shoes, dress herself, and have a vocabulary to rival yours by the time she's three. her biggest desire is to help you clean house.
virgo kids smile a lot, even when they stoutly refuse to do what you are yelling at them to do.
quick tips for emergencies:
virgins need routine.
keep them calm with nutritious food and a back rub.
talking about frustration help prevent petulant criticism.
planning is key to getting your way
gaslight them by rearranging their sock drawer. THIS IS SO TRUE! nothing pisses me off more than someone changing a system i had set that was functioning perfectly. gah, i'm gonna turn into my mother. there was also a note in there about correcting everyone's grammar and spelling which i can't find right now. sheesh.
Wednesday, September 17, 2003
psychosomatic
it's the last day of shiva.
i took a nap last night and woke up unable to walk
all morning i've been picturing a life of partial paralysis. probably cause i'm crazy. maybe because i feel like a piece of me is missing.
i took a nap last night and woke up unable to walk
all morning i've been picturing a life of partial paralysis. probably cause i'm crazy. maybe because i feel like a piece of me is missing.
Tuesday, September 16, 2003
24
:: it's ok to make mistakes, and even more ok to admit to them :: :: my family is v loving and unique in our closeness :: :: friendship will survive all kinds of crazy bumps :: :: my smile is contagious :: :: i love my job :: :: i like getting older :: :: going out with a smile only takes an extra few seconds and changes everything :: :: i like dorks :: :: my brother and sister are two of the best friends i will ever have :: :: scranton is a wonderful place to live :: :: i like NY :: :: my parents can read my mind sometimes :: :: i like eminem :: :: i need to have more faith in myself :: :: my parents are my anchors :: :: iPods are ridic cool :: :: i should have gotten my license when i was a lot younger :: :: i love most people i know :: :: 052 771 735 was my # in israel, and i loved that too :: :: tzippy, miiko, emily, rebecca, sara, scr, and lauren rock for making it through living with me :: :: i have a terrible weakness for shoes :: :: i love being an artist. that's right, i said it out loud: i'm an artist! :: :: i want to be elegant :: :: i love celebrating the day that i joined this wonderful group of peopel who make up my world, bu even more i love that it's a cherished commemoration for those close to me. ::
happy birthday me, in this last hour of my first day as a 24 year old. i love you, me. hee hee : )
*grin*s all around!
little PS:
i bought myself a 15 GB iPod for my birthday and i adore it. it is the coolest most fun piece of machinery/technology i have ever had the pleasure of ussing, forget owning. yay Macs!
happy birthday me, in this last hour of my first day as a 24 year old. i love you, me. hee hee : )
*grin*s all around!
little PS:
i bought myself a 15 GB iPod for my birthday and i adore it. it is the coolest most fun piece of machinery/technology i have ever had the pleasure of ussing, forget owning. yay Macs!
Sunday, September 14, 2003
in the words of my father
Letting go is a very painful thing to do. All four of us have grown up our entire lives under the sheltering wings you always provided us, and the most difficult thing in the world for us is to realize now that they are gone.
My father was born in Nanticoke, a little town near Wilkes-Barre. He went to Nanticoke High School - played football there. He went on to college at NYU, but the war intervened. He and his two brothers joined the armed services and spent the war overseas. All three returned safely, thank G-d. He married a girl from Scranton and moved there, and started up a business in auto parts.
But as much as he and my mother put their hearts and souls into that business, that was only a part of his life. First, he stayed in the Air Force reserves for over 25 years, making friendships that lasted until today. Then there were sports. Ah - he loved sports - football, baseball, basketball, college football - he loved them all and never missed a chance to catch a game when he could. And then there was golf. That was a passion.
But his real passion was Jefferson Ave. It was my mother, and that band of four guys at home. And all the love he gave us just multiplied when the grandchildren came along. They all truly became the light of his life.
But the most outstanding thing I could say about my father is that I never met a person who didn’t like him. I never met anyone who had a bad word or a cross word to say about him. His affection for people knew no bounds, no limits. Rich, poor, old, young, air force pal, civilian, customer, salesman - it didn’t matter to him - he always had a smile for you, and a “Howya doin’”. Just yesterday one of the people who has worked for us for 25 years said to me, “He was my buddy - he gave me a chance and hired me when no body else would - what a great guy.” And that is what he was - a great guy.
He could be tough at times, but he was unfailingly pleasant and polite. He never failed to say Please or Thank you, and always appreciated whatever you did for him. When he got sick, even with as much discomfort as he was often in, no nurse ever heard one complaint or impatient remark. Everyone said he was just the nicest guy. There was not a nurse who took care of him that didn’t comment upon how pleasant and polite and sweet he was. They all not only took care of him, but they all truly cared for him. All of our family would like to acknowledge and thank Jean, Tarique, Sandy, JoAnn, and Carol for not only taking care of my father, but for the loving way in which they did it. I also want to thank Terry Mackey, who for years was there so often to make life easier for both my mother and father. As for Dr. Kurtzer, how can we thank you. G-d sends angels in strange disguises, I guess. Words just aren’t there to say it right.
So this man came out of Nanticoke, had a 57 year love affair with my mother, and fathered this disparate band of brothers. As I guess you can tell - we all look a little different, one from the other. And we are. And yet, people always comment to me as to how it is that we are so close and get along so well together. That feeling of giving space to each other, and affection for one another comes from the top. From seeing the type of person our father was, which taught this band of four to get along the way they did. I came upon a song whose lyrics always reminded me of my father. If I can paraphrase the words for you:
He left his home
And went his lone
And solitary way
And he gave to me
A gift I know I never
can repay
He earned his love
Through discipline
A thundering, velvet hand
His gentle means of sculpting souls
Took me years to understand.
The leader of the band is tired
And his eyes are growing old
But his blood runs through
My instrument
And his song is in my soul --
My life has been a poor attempt
To imitate the man
I'm just a living legacy
To the leader of the band.
My brothers' lives were
different
For they heard another call
One went to Chicago
And the other to St. Paul
And I'm in Colorado
When I'm not in some hotel
Living out this life I've chose
And come to know so well.
I thank you for the music
And your stories of the road
I thank you for the freedom
When it came my time to go --
I thank you for the kindness
And the times when you got tough
And, pap, I don't think I
Said 'I love you' near enough --
The leader of the band is tired
And his eyes are growing old
But his blood runs through
My instrument
And his song is in my soul --
My life has been a poor attempt
To imitate the man
I'm just a living legacy
To the leader of the band
We are the living legacy to the leader of the band.
My father was born in Nanticoke, a little town near Wilkes-Barre. He went to Nanticoke High School - played football there. He went on to college at NYU, but the war intervened. He and his two brothers joined the armed services and spent the war overseas. All three returned safely, thank G-d. He married a girl from Scranton and moved there, and started up a business in auto parts.
But as much as he and my mother put their hearts and souls into that business, that was only a part of his life. First, he stayed in the Air Force reserves for over 25 years, making friendships that lasted until today. Then there were sports. Ah - he loved sports - football, baseball, basketball, college football - he loved them all and never missed a chance to catch a game when he could. And then there was golf. That was a passion.
But his real passion was Jefferson Ave. It was my mother, and that band of four guys at home. And all the love he gave us just multiplied when the grandchildren came along. They all truly became the light of his life.
But the most outstanding thing I could say about my father is that I never met a person who didn’t like him. I never met anyone who had a bad word or a cross word to say about him. His affection for people knew no bounds, no limits. Rich, poor, old, young, air force pal, civilian, customer, salesman - it didn’t matter to him - he always had a smile for you, and a “Howya doin’”. Just yesterday one of the people who has worked for us for 25 years said to me, “He was my buddy - he gave me a chance and hired me when no body else would - what a great guy.” And that is what he was - a great guy.
He could be tough at times, but he was unfailingly pleasant and polite. He never failed to say Please or Thank you, and always appreciated whatever you did for him. When he got sick, even with as much discomfort as he was often in, no nurse ever heard one complaint or impatient remark. Everyone said he was just the nicest guy. There was not a nurse who took care of him that didn’t comment upon how pleasant and polite and sweet he was. They all not only took care of him, but they all truly cared for him. All of our family would like to acknowledge and thank Jean, Tarique, Sandy, JoAnn, and Carol for not only taking care of my father, but for the loving way in which they did it. I also want to thank Terry Mackey, who for years was there so often to make life easier for both my mother and father. As for Dr. Kurtzer, how can we thank you. G-d sends angels in strange disguises, I guess. Words just aren’t there to say it right.
So this man came out of Nanticoke, had a 57 year love affair with my mother, and fathered this disparate band of brothers. As I guess you can tell - we all look a little different, one from the other. And we are. And yet, people always comment to me as to how it is that we are so close and get along so well together. That feeling of giving space to each other, and affection for one another comes from the top. From seeing the type of person our father was, which taught this band of four to get along the way they did. I came upon a song whose lyrics always reminded me of my father. If I can paraphrase the words for you:
He left his home
And went his lone
And solitary way
And he gave to me
A gift I know I never
can repay
He earned his love
Through discipline
A thundering, velvet hand
His gentle means of sculpting souls
Took me years to understand.
The leader of the band is tired
And his eyes are growing old
But his blood runs through
My instrument
And his song is in my soul --
My life has been a poor attempt
To imitate the man
I'm just a living legacy
To the leader of the band.
My brothers' lives were
different
For they heard another call
One went to Chicago
And the other to St. Paul
And I'm in Colorado
When I'm not in some hotel
Living out this life I've chose
And come to know so well.
I thank you for the music
And your stories of the road
I thank you for the freedom
When it came my time to go --
I thank you for the kindness
And the times when you got tough
And, pap, I don't think I
Said 'I love you' near enough --
The leader of the band is tired
And his eyes are growing old
But his blood runs through
My instrument
And his song is in my soul --
My life has been a poor attempt
To imitate the man
I'm just a living legacy
To the leader of the band
We are the living legacy to the leader of the band.
Saturday, September 13, 2003
Yomtov Lipa ben Yitzchak
Leonard L. Weiss September 11, 2003
Leonard L. Weiss, 550 Clay Ave., died Thursday morning at home. He and his wife, the former Elynor Klein, would have celebrated their 56th wedding anniversary Oct. 27.
Born in Nanticoke, son of the late Ignatz and Sarah Fried Weiss, he was a graduate of Nanticoke High School and New York University. He was an Army Air Corps veteran of World War II and also served in the Air Force Reserve for more than 25 years.
He was the founder of the Central Warehouse Sales Corp. and served as its president before retirement.
He was a member of Temple Israel and Beth Shalom Congregation. He was also a member of B'nai B'rith, the Odd Fellows, Masonic Order, Glen Oak Country Club, Jewish War Veterans, Jewish Community Center and many other religious and civic organizations.
Also surviving are four sons, Jay and Zvi, both of Scranton; Barry, Clarks Summit, and Sholom, Jerusalem, Israel; a brother, Harry, Kingston; 15 grandchildren; 10 great-grandchildren; nieces and nephews.
He was preceded in death by a sister, Hilda Wolitz, and a brother, Jack.
The funeral will be today with services at 11 a.m. in Beth Shalom Congregation, Clay Avenue and Vine Street, by Rabbi Avrohom Herman. Interment, Temple Israel Cemetery, Dunmore.
Shiva will be observed at the family residence, 550 Clay Ave., Apt. 3-E. Memorial contributions may be made to the donor's favorite charity.
Arrangements by the Ziman Funeral Home Inc., Scranton.
this is the sum total of the man. he adored his children and his grandchildren, spared nothing to make us happy. grandpa always had a smile on his face, and while he had a good time grumbling, he never had a complaint. not once in 7 years of sickness did he complain. i remember when he went for his bypass, he kept us laughing the night before the surgery, easing our fears.
he couldn't always come up with our names on the spot, and we were all called '"honey" or "dolly". the boys were "slugger".
one pesach, maybe 6 years ago, he was too ill to walk from our h ouse back to his after seudah, so he and grandma were staying in my sister's room. i was sitting in the hallway, reading, and i heard him apologize to my granmother for the discomfort she was in, for the awkwardness of sleeping in a grandchild's bedroom. and she said "len, i love you, and when i married i didn't sign up for just the good years."
i'm terrified. i look at my father and see him looking lost. i don't know what to feel. at first i was happy for him to be out of pain, for granddma to be able to live a healthier life without her husband slowly dying in her living room. but his death has left a gaping hole in our lives. i hope i will be as loved as he has been.
Leonard L. Weiss, 550 Clay Ave., died Thursday morning at home. He and his wife, the former Elynor Klein, would have celebrated their 56th wedding anniversary Oct. 27.
Born in Nanticoke, son of the late Ignatz and Sarah Fried Weiss, he was a graduate of Nanticoke High School and New York University. He was an Army Air Corps veteran of World War II and also served in the Air Force Reserve for more than 25 years.
He was the founder of the Central Warehouse Sales Corp. and served as its president before retirement.
He was a member of Temple Israel and Beth Shalom Congregation. He was also a member of B'nai B'rith, the Odd Fellows, Masonic Order, Glen Oak Country Club, Jewish War Veterans, Jewish Community Center and many other religious and civic organizations.
Also surviving are four sons, Jay and Zvi, both of Scranton; Barry, Clarks Summit, and Sholom, Jerusalem, Israel; a brother, Harry, Kingston; 15 grandchildren; 10 great-grandchildren; nieces and nephews.
He was preceded in death by a sister, Hilda Wolitz, and a brother, Jack.
The funeral will be today with services at 11 a.m. in Beth Shalom Congregation, Clay Avenue and Vine Street, by Rabbi Avrohom Herman. Interment, Temple Israel Cemetery, Dunmore.
Shiva will be observed at the family residence, 550 Clay Ave., Apt. 3-E. Memorial contributions may be made to the donor's favorite charity.
Arrangements by the Ziman Funeral Home Inc., Scranton.
this is the sum total of the man. he adored his children and his grandchildren, spared nothing to make us happy. grandpa always had a smile on his face, and while he had a good time grumbling, he never had a complaint. not once in 7 years of sickness did he complain. i remember when he went for his bypass, he kept us laughing the night before the surgery, easing our fears.
he couldn't always come up with our names on the spot, and we were all called '"honey" or "dolly". the boys were "slugger".
one pesach, maybe 6 years ago, he was too ill to walk from our h ouse back to his after seudah, so he and grandma were staying in my sister's room. i was sitting in the hallway, reading, and i heard him apologize to my granmother for the discomfort she was in, for the awkwardness of sleeping in a grandchild's bedroom. and she said "len, i love you, and when i married i didn't sign up for just the good years."
i'm terrified. i look at my father and see him looking lost. i don't know what to feel. at first i was happy for him to be out of pain, for granddma to be able to live a healthier life without her husband slowly dying in her living room. but his death has left a gaping hole in our lives. i hope i will be as loved as he has been.
Sunday, September 7, 2003
i can't feel anything
we got a call right after havdala. my sister and brother and i were in the kitchen singing to my baby nephew Benny - brady bunch, weird shit like that. laughing it up, my mom's shouting for us to quiet down. it was my uncle barry - my grandfather was in heart failure, and they'd contacted all the necessary people - it was end stage. we packed up, asked the neighbors to watch the kids, and set off for scranton. images of my father going through shiva, much like my mother had just a few years before, kept flashing through my head. this week, there will be a funeral. this week my father will sit shiva. this week grandma will be released. this week which ive been dreading/anticipating since he first got sick.
when we got to their apartment last night, the nurse was there. my uncle tzvi was there. dr. kurtzer was there. grandpa was on a morphine drip, and he was stable. well, as stable as you can call a man who's been lying in bed for years, unable to speak, unable to move, unable to feed or clean himself.
my brother was asking me what my last memory is of grandpa before he got sick. and i dont have one. not one. i mean, it's only been like 8 years since eveerything began, but all i can call up is after the strokes started, after the nurses were there. seeing him in bed, emaciated. the nurses moving him, turning my head so i won't see him naked - sparing him that indigninty, whether he knows it or not.
after we left the apt, i was numb, in this disconnect. everything was occuring, but had no bearing on me. no connection to me. i was moving through life, and unaffected by it - couldn't be touched. my head was buzzing, i was tingling. i don't remember how to feel anymore. and now when i try, all i feel is sad, hurt, alone, scared.
i met this kid who has me thinking, has me wanting to make somehitng of myself. makes me want to see him make something of himself. we've been haanging out at work, and he's just a good kid. amazing how you can relate to people til you place them back in their natural environment. i wonder if he'll ever have a chance in life. he's in a program where he lives at the salvation army, he's sentenced to live there and work there for 6 to 9 months. he was 15 minutes late for curfew one night, and they kicked him out for 2 weeeks, nowhere to go. someone took him in, and he got a job for a week. he's going back in the morning. they pay him 5 bucks a week. each week he's there, it goes up a buck, maxing out at 20. he was there for 4 months. he's back at $5, now. and for the first 3 weeks that he's there (21 days) he's not allowed to leave the sally. it makees me sick.
he was asked to leave work early today. i'd been bugging him all day, whenever i saw him, about taking a break with me. finally at 3:15 he came to get me, and we went out for 10 minutes. when we got back, our boss let him go. said "he didn't have the privelige of going on breaks".
how are kids ever supposed to change if people never give them the chance? there's so much he wants to do with his life, with himself. is it so bad if i believe in him?
TV is making me cry again. always happens when i cant in real life.
and then i look at someone like this guy i work(ed) with, and i wonder why my parents can't deal with me, can't handle having conversations with me. all you have to do is start talking without any bias or pre-conceptions. i'm out, i have to not feel for a little while longer.
when we got to their apartment last night, the nurse was there. my uncle tzvi was there. dr. kurtzer was there. grandpa was on a morphine drip, and he was stable. well, as stable as you can call a man who's been lying in bed for years, unable to speak, unable to move, unable to feed or clean himself.
my brother was asking me what my last memory is of grandpa before he got sick. and i dont have one. not one. i mean, it's only been like 8 years since eveerything began, but all i can call up is after the strokes started, after the nurses were there. seeing him in bed, emaciated. the nurses moving him, turning my head so i won't see him naked - sparing him that indigninty, whether he knows it or not.
after we left the apt, i was numb, in this disconnect. everything was occuring, but had no bearing on me. no connection to me. i was moving through life, and unaffected by it - couldn't be touched. my head was buzzing, i was tingling. i don't remember how to feel anymore. and now when i try, all i feel is sad, hurt, alone, scared.
i met this kid who has me thinking, has me wanting to make somehitng of myself. makes me want to see him make something of himself. we've been haanging out at work, and he's just a good kid. amazing how you can relate to people til you place them back in their natural environment. i wonder if he'll ever have a chance in life. he's in a program where he lives at the salvation army, he's sentenced to live there and work there for 6 to 9 months. he was 15 minutes late for curfew one night, and they kicked him out for 2 weeeks, nowhere to go. someone took him in, and he got a job for a week. he's going back in the morning. they pay him 5 bucks a week. each week he's there, it goes up a buck, maxing out at 20. he was there for 4 months. he's back at $5, now. and for the first 3 weeks that he's there (21 days) he's not allowed to leave the sally. it makees me sick.
he was asked to leave work early today. i'd been bugging him all day, whenever i saw him, about taking a break with me. finally at 3:15 he came to get me, and we went out for 10 minutes. when we got back, our boss let him go. said "he didn't have the privelige of going on breaks".
how are kids ever supposed to change if people never give them the chance? there's so much he wants to do with his life, with himself. is it so bad if i believe in him?
TV is making me cry again. always happens when i cant in real life.
and then i look at someone like this guy i work(ed) with, and i wonder why my parents can't deal with me, can't handle having conversations with me. all you have to do is start talking without any bias or pre-conceptions. i'm out, i have to not feel for a little while longer.
Tuesday, September 2, 2003
licking lollipops
i have all the answerss.
won't someone ask me the questions?
: )
hi, becca, i've missed you!
i want to run all the way to london. think i'll get tired?
what kind of coffee would you want if you could get anything at all?
won't someone ask me the questions?
: )
hi, becca, i've missed you!
i want to run all the way to london. think i'll get tired?
what kind of coffee would you want if you could get anything at all?
Monday, September 1, 2003
things i want to do to start living
drive to worcester and visit
drive with said visitee to new orleans (come *on*!)
learn italian and use it in italy
learn spanish and use it in scranton. and maybe colombia (hey joel!)
go to new zealand. look at all the fabulous scenery. rub some sheep.
adopt a lot of kids
join a big sister/little sister program
go to england
go to ireland for 6 months or so
go to scotland in those 6 months or so
go to australia - probably more in tune with the new zealand idea than the ireland idea
learn to swing dance (for real)
learn to salsa (for fun)
start a band
fall deeply in love with someone amazing
convince more frum people to become foster families
let myself go enough to paint what i see in my head
sculpt more. a lot more
tell people who i love that i love them. if you're reading this, the odds are that i love you.
sing more
wear stilettos more often
buy a wig, dye it black, with a deep purple stripe running down the side, and wear it whenever i feel like it. or when i'm married and someone tells me i should wear a sheitel instead of a tichel.
start kickboxing
meet raffi face to face. *grin*
sleep 8 hours a night. speaking of... : ) looks like 6 tonight.
what do you want to do with your life?
drive with said visitee to new orleans (come *on*!)
learn italian and use it in italy
learn spanish and use it in scranton. and maybe colombia (hey joel!)
go to new zealand. look at all the fabulous scenery. rub some sheep.
adopt a lot of kids
join a big sister/little sister program
go to england
go to ireland for 6 months or so
go to scotland in those 6 months or so
go to australia - probably more in tune with the new zealand idea than the ireland idea
learn to swing dance (for real)
learn to salsa (for fun)
start a band
fall deeply in love with someone amazing
convince more frum people to become foster families
let myself go enough to paint what i see in my head
sculpt more. a lot more
tell people who i love that i love them. if you're reading this, the odds are that i love you.
sing more
wear stilettos more often
buy a wig, dye it black, with a deep purple stripe running down the side, and wear it whenever i feel like it. or when i'm married and someone tells me i should wear a sheitel instead of a tichel.
start kickboxing
meet raffi face to face. *grin*
sleep 8 hours a night. speaking of... : ) looks like 6 tonight.
what do you want to do with your life?
what i think about as i fall asleep
so it occurred to me recently that someone could make it through of his or her life very slightly retarded, just enough that other people can tell, and never know. which is waaaaaaaaay exisstentialist (and therefore beloved to me). and then i thought "what if *i* am one of those people, and i just never knew it?' which could be true of all of us. and then once my brain had had enough fun bouncing that around, i decided it needs to be a story. and so i have this wonderful existential concept, but no story. maybe the person realizes when self-testing for a psych class, or taking an IQ test online, or some such. but what's the story? or maybe there is none, and it's a short arty film that no one but me and the people v high on random drugs will ever understand. : ) even more existential - to have no one understand the story, and therefore the pain, the emotion.
stop me.
i want to start a band. kinda punk, rock, folk, and whatever other mood i'm in.
and i want to meet someone fabulous. i want to meet a raffi, but where it can work out. raffi, raffi. when i get tired, you're all that's on my mind.
i feel suspended in my life, as if everything has progressed but me, where it wouldn't surprise me if my niece and nephews one day are older than me, and i'll remain here, in limbo, 23 forever, young, single, and lost.
stop me.
i want to start a band. kinda punk, rock, folk, and whatever other mood i'm in.
and i want to meet someone fabulous. i want to meet a raffi, but where it can work out. raffi, raffi. when i get tired, you're all that's on my mind.
i feel suspended in my life, as if everything has progressed but me, where it wouldn't surprise me if my niece and nephews one day are older than me, and i'll remain here, in limbo, 23 forever, young, single, and lost.
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