Rosh Chodesh Tammuz 5773

This marks our fourth Rosh Chodesh gathering. I coordinate the gatherings specifically for women because Rosh Chodesh is designated a women's holiday. It got me thinking this month - what is it about women that we get a monthly holiday set aside just for us when there are no holidays that are designated just for men?

For my bat mitzva, I studied women in Jewish history. As I was thinking about the women yesterday, it occurred to me that while the main characters in our stories, books, and Tanach tend to be men, there is a constant theme of women moving the plot ahead. The women who came immediately to mind were Rivka, who ensured Yaakov got the birthright, Rachael who is considered mother to us all (and I will delve in to Rachael's contribution a little more in the dvar Torah itself), Serach bat Asher, who told her grandfather that her uncle Yosef was still alive, Yocheved, Miriam, Batya, Serach again upon leaving Egypt, Tziporah who had the faith to give her son the brit mila Moshe couldn't and all the way through to our more recent history where pregnant women his their pregnancies during the Holocaust, and found ways to give their sons a brit mila even in the worst circumstances. Our men are wonderful, but it's the women who determine what the lives of the family and the future of Am Yisrael will be. And we recognize that each month, that this often hidden part of Judaism is actually the root of the living tree.

Rosh Chodesh Tammuz - Mourning and Salvation

The only 'holiday' in תמוז is שבעה עשר בתמוז - a fast day that commemorates the walls of Jerusalem being breached by the Romans before the destruction of the 2nd בית המקדש.

שבעה עשר בתמוז starts a 3-week mourning period which deepens on ראש חודש אב culminates in the major fast of תשעה באב.

שבעה עשר בתמוז is historically a sad day for  משנה תענית .עם ישראל 4:6 cites 5 calamities on this day:
1. It is 40 days from the day Moshe ascended to הר סיני. That makes it the day that he returned, the day he saw the golden calf, חטא העגל. And hence, it is the day that the לוחות were broken.
2. During the siege of Jerusalem in the era of the 1st בית המקדש, in 423 BCE it was the date that the daily burnt offering ceased to be brought in the Temple as life had been so thoroughly disrupted, a short 3 weeks before the destruction of the בית המקדש.
3. The walls of Jerusalem were breached by the Romans in 70 CE.
4. Apostomus, a Roman general, burnt a תורה scroll shortly before בר כוכבא's revolt, about 132 CE.
5. At about the same time, an idol was placed in the בית המקדש either by Apostomus or by King Menashe.

We've been in a long-term low-grade suspended state of mourning for the בית המקדש ever since. We daven to return not just to Jerusalem and the בית המקדש, but to re-establish a monarchy there.

This month we will be reading about בנות צלפחד, whose father died either due to collecting wood on שבת, for which he was executed, or in an attempt to get to ארץ ישראל. A group of men couldn't bear the thought of waiting 40 year to get to Israel and headed out on their own to get to the land and were all sadly killed. Either way, צלפחד left behind 5 daughters and no sons - Machla, Noa, Chagla, Milka, and Tirtza.

These women approached משה to ensure they could inherit their father's plot of land in Israel, as they were preparing by allocating land to every family. At the time, the הלכה was that only sons could inherit, but these 5 sisters so badly wanted inherit that they asked for special counsel. משה took the question straight to 'ה, and 'ה affirmed that the sisters were correct - they could inherit.

The timing of the request is strange. צלפחד had died in the 2nd year in the desert. משה was dealing with a nation that didn't want to go to Israel because they were fearful of being killed, a nation that had started to romanticize life in Egypt. Egypt! We just had a holiday a few months ago about how hard life was as slaves, and yet they were asking to go back. And even so, here came these 5 sisters demanding their portion of the land.

Were they after money? If they were, why would they have waited 38 years? They would have asked for his cattle immediately. They would have collected his his possessions and money long before if that was what they were after. They were there for the love of the land.

The woman most closely aligned with this 3-week period of mourning is רחל אמנו. Our tradition holds that of all the people advocating for us, it is רחל who truly speaks on our behalf ('ירמהיו ל'א: יד'-טו)

יד  כֹּה אָמַר יְהוָה, קוֹל בְּרָמָה נִשְׁמָע נְהִי בְּכִי תַמְרוּרִים--רָחֵל, מְבַכָּה עַל-בָּנֶיהָ; מֵאֲנָה לְהִנָּחֵם עַל-בָּנֶיהָ, כִּי אֵינֶנּוּ.  {ס}	14 Thus saith the LORD: A voice is heard in Ramah, lamentation, and bitter weeping, Rachel weeping for her children; she refuseth to be comforted for her children, because they are not. {S}
טו  כֹּה אָמַר יְהוָה, מִנְעִי קוֹלֵךְ מִבֶּכִי, וְעֵינַיִךְ, מִדִּמְעָה:  כִּי יֵשׁ שָׂכָר לִפְעֻלָּתֵךְ נְאֻם-יְהוָה, וְשָׁבוּ מֵאֶרֶץ אוֹיֵב.	15 Thus saith the LORD: Refrain thy voice from weeping, and thine eyes from tears; for thy work shall be rewarded, saith the LORD; and they shall come back from the land of the enemy.

First, note that while Leah in her life was marked by eyes reddened from shedding tears, it is רחל אמנו who we picture crying for eternity. הבל היופי - beauty is fleeting.

Jewish tradition holds that these פסוקים in ירמיהו are THE source for our belief that there will be an eventual geulah, that God will bring us back from the exile He imposed upon us. A promise made to a woman, to a mother, crying on behalf of her children - and all of עם ישראל.

The תורה introduces the sisters with a listing of their lineage ('במדבר כ'ז: א):

א  וַתִּקְרַבְנָה בְּנוֹת צְלָפְחָד, בֶּן-חֵפֶר בֶּן-גִּלְעָד בֶּן-מָכִיר בֶּן-מְנַשֶּׁה, לְמִשְׁפְּחֹת, מְנַשֶּׁה בֶן-יוֹסֵף; וְאֵלֶּה, שְׁמוֹת בְּנֹתָיו--מַחְלָה נֹעָה, וְחָגְלָה וּמִלְכָּה וְתִרְצָה.

1 Then drew near the daughters of Zelophehad, the son of Hepher, the son of Gilead, the son of Machir, the son of Manasseh, of the families of Manasseh the son of Joseph; and these are the names of his daughters: Mahlah, Noah, and Hoglah, and Milcah, and Tirzah.

Why bother giving us a lineage? It could have simply said בנות צלפחד of the tribe of מנשה. And why emphasize מנשה בן יוסף? We know who מנשה is!

As anyone in attendance at our first ראש חודש gathering will remember, יוסף so loved the Israel that he made עם ישראל promise to take his bones and bury him there. The notion of Egypt as his final resting place was painful for him. Before the Jews could leave Egypt, משה wandered for 3 days, looking for Yosef's bones. And Serach bat Asher, the only person still living who had come down to Egypt in the original group with יעקב walked him to the Nile. The Egyptians knew that the slaves would not leave without Yosef, so they coated his casket and sank it to the bottom of the river. Serach helped Moshe locate Yosef, and Moshe carried his bones through the desert because Yosef so loved the land. Yosef ben Rachael.

The daughters of צלפחד, descendants of יוסף and רחל אמנו - they are the ones who point us towards the path of fulfilling the promise 'ה made to Rachael. With love for the land guiding us, we will return.

Rosh Chodesh Sivan, 5773 - T'filat HaShlah

כי על כן באתי לבקש ולחנן מלפניך שיהא זרעי וזרע זרעי זרע כשר. ואל תמצא בזרעי ובזרע זרעי עד עולם שום פסול ושמץ.
It is for this reason that I come to ask and plead before you that my children and the children of my children should be kosher (upright) offspring, that no blemish or imperfection be found in my children or grandchildren...

This month is Sivan, month of שבועות, the time in which we received the תורה, and the חג in which we read מגילת רות.

Sivan's sign is twins, which we call Gemini in English. One way of understanding twinness is by looking ar duality, which we experience daily living in a physical world as a spiritual being.

Rut's most famous descendant was בועז .דוד המלך, her 2nd husband, was descended from פרץ, one of the twins born to תמר via her secret pregnancy with בועז .יהודה and רות had a son עובד, father of ישי, father of דוד.

רות is portrayed as an ideal heroine - inspired by her mother-in-law נעמי, she ;eaves behind her position as princess with the wealth, protection, and opportunity that it afforded her, and followed נעמי back to a Jewish life of poverty and uncertainty in a land full of turmoil. What's not to like? She's quite impressive - even with the awkward seduction at the threshing floor. But I have never related to רות on a deep level.

Instead it is her great-grandson (my ancestor) דוד המלך to whom I relate. דוד was the youngest of his family and it seems that he wasn't taken seriously by many. Even after he was chosen as king, his own family had a low opinion of him and didn't want him around (Shmuel A, chapter 17):

כו  וַיֹּאמֶר דָּוִד, אֶל-הָאֲנָשִׁים הָעֹמְדִים עִמּוֹ לֵאמֹר, מַה-יֵּעָשֶׂה לָאִישׁ אֲשֶׁר יַכֶּה אֶת-הַפְּלִשְׁתִּי הַלָּז, וְהֵסִיר חֶרְפָּה מֵעַל יִשְׂרָאֵל:  כִּי מִי, הַפְּלִשְׁתִּי הֶעָרֵל הַזֶּה, כִּי חֵרֵף, מַעַרְכוֹת אֱלֹהִים חַיִּים.	26 And David spoke to the men that stood by him, saying: 'What shall be done to the man that killeth this Philistine, and taketh away the taunt from Israel? for who is this uncircumcised Philistine, that he should have taunted the armies of the living God?'
כז  וַיֹּאמֶר לוֹ הָעָם, כַּדָּבָר הַזֶּה לֵאמֹר:  כֹּה יֵעָשֶׂה, לָאִישׁ אֲשֶׁר יַכֶּנּוּ.	27 And the people answered him after this manner, saying: 'So shall it be done to the man that killeth him.'
כח  וַיִּשְׁמַע אֱלִיאָב אָחִיו הַגָּדוֹל, בְּדַבְּרוֹ אֶל-הָאֲנָשִׁים; וַיִּחַר-אַף אֱלִיאָב בְּדָוִד וַיֹּאמֶר לָמָּה-זֶּה יָרַדְתָּ, וְעַל-מִי נָטַשְׁתָּ מְעַט הַצֹּאן הָהֵנָּה בַּמִּדְבָּר--אֲנִי יָדַעְתִּי אֶת-זְדֹנְךָ וְאֵת רֹעַ לְבָבֶךָ, כִּי לְמַעַן רְאוֹת הַמִּלְחָמָה יָרָדְתָּ.	28 And Eliab his eldest brother heard when he spoke unto the men; and Eliab's anger was kindled against David, and he said: 'Why art thou come down? and with whom hast thou left those few sheep in the wilderness? I know thy presumptuousness, and the naughtiness of thy heart; for thou art come down that thou mightest see the battle.'
כט  וַיֹּאמֶר דָּוִד, מֶה עָשִׂיתִי עָתָּה; הֲלוֹא, דָּבָר הוּא.	29 And David said: 'What have I now done? Was it not but a word?'

דוד was, even in this short account, a little difficult. He is not simply like רות, willing to let go of a former self and life to dedicate himself to God - he is a fiery daring boy who challenges his eldest brother and even the sitting king.

And he wins.

דוד continues to be a flawed character. In his excitement at recovering the ark he danced in the street, scantily dressed, setting off a quarrel with his beloved מיכל who felt he made a fool of his station. When she confronted him, he responded with angry prideful words.

דוד lied to his friend אחימלך about being an emissary from שאול, acquiring food and weapons. אחימלך and 85 other כהנים were killed in retribution.

דוד was so angered by נבל's refusal to help him while on the run from שאול that he was going to attack - until נבל ,אביגיל's beautiful wife, rode to him and made peace. When נבל learned of what had happened, he had a stroke, dying 10 days later. דוד then married אביגיל.

And of course - דוד & בתשבע, an episode that included possible adultery and the death of בתשבע ,אוריה's husband.

So... why am I listing off so many of דוד's infamous exploits?

Because even with that, we have a duality in דוד. He was a poet, a seeker of God, whose kingdom we pray to reestablish.

In times of trouble, torment, and joy we sing and recite his poems, our תהלים.

R. Samuel b. Nahmani said in R. Jonathan's name: Whoever says that David sinned is merely erring, for it is said, And David behaved himself wisely in all his ways: and the Lord was with him. Is it possible that sin came to his hand, yet the Divine Presence was with him? Then how do I interpret, Wherefore hast thou despised the word of the Lord, to do that which is evil in his sight? He wished to do [evil], but did not. (translation via http://halakhah.com/shabbath/shabbath_56.html).

What was דוד's sin then?

Nathan the prophet approached דוד with a story of two men with sheep, rich and poor, in which the rich man took the poor man's sheep.

דוד was outraged - righteous indignation! Shmuel B, chapter 12

ה  וַיִּחַר-אַף דָּוִד בָּאִישׁ, מְאֹד; וַיֹּאמֶר, אֶל-נָתָן, חַי-יְהוָה, כִּי בֶן-מָוֶת הָאִישׁ הָעֹשֶׂה זֹאת.

5 And David's anger was greatly kindled against the man; and he said to Nathan: 'As the LORD liveth, the man that hath done this deserveth to die;

וַיֹּאמֶר נָתָן אֶל-דָּוִד, אַתָּה הָאִישׁ.

7 And Nathan said to David: 'Thou art the man.

When we die, each of us will be given a hypothetical situation to judge. When we show righteous indignation and proclaim a fate, that will become our fate.

To go off on one more tangent before I bring this all together: A few years ago I was in the car with my parents. While we were talking, I asked my father what my one major, over-riding flaw was; what was the one big thing that needed to change? I waited to hear the wisdom that would come from his mouth, unlocking my entire future, giving me a goal to work towards, a trait to overcome. My father sat silently, chewing his lip for a good 5 minutes. With each passing second, my anticipation grew. Finally, he turned and looked at me and said "Nothing. Don't change a thing. Not you, and not your siblings." I was gob-smacked.

When we daven that our offspring should have no flaws, we're really davening that their flaws shouldn't be judged!

In this month where we became HaShem's children, we remember דוד's anger and the תפילה of the של''ה הקודש. We teach our children to judge one another favorably, so God will ultimately judge them as they have judged others; that God see our children as His children, with no blemish or imperfection.

Most Influential

I hate this trend of most influential lists and 36 Under 36. First off, and not to knock anyone on the list, some of the people singled out by the Jewish Week don't seem to be doing anything particularly unique. I'm a bit confused about why their profiles were listed for all to see and I kind of want my time back after reading them.

Influence and success, like beauty, are very much in the eye of the beholder. Influence in particular is a question of happenstance - did you talk to one of the thousands of people who follow someone's Twitter feed? Did you hear about someone from their proud grandmother? It's a little unclear how these lists are assessed.

I keep joking about making my own list, but in all seriousness, I have some really awesome friends (and one awesome spouse-friend, as well). Some have been honored publicly, some haven't, but many are deserving of recognition. In fact, the one thing that's held me back from creating a list is how absurdly long it would be - my feminist friends kicking down doors in the dati world, my inventive husband who dared to include UN ambassadors at Friday night dinners in the Hamptons, my friend Josh who tweets his very absolutist take on life and Judaism, the VERY MANY mothers and fathers out there critically thinking and introducing fantastic bits of life to their offspring (and sharing it with the rest of us), the friends who have gone for graduate degrees and beyond, building careers I'm frankly envious of...

So, yes - single out Jason Lieberman. He was dealt a hand I would not have handled with such grace and humor, and he is dedicated to raising awareness of disabilities in communities across the country. He stands head and shoulders above most (although not literally, even with his crutches). He does what few out there can or would do, and I know that to Jason the great benefit of being singled out is not what it will do to his Klout number, but that it fits with his ultimate goal of raising awareness.

Congratulation to Jason on his honor - he is representative of the many amazing friends I have accumulated over the years, and I'm glad the larger world now knows about his life's work.