Charities I believe in

This list is off the top of my head, so I will be expanding this post. Any charities that aren't seemingly self-explanatory, I'll give some info on, and I'm happy to add info so PLEASE LEAVE COMMENTS:

Shaare Zedek Hospital
Hadassah Medical Center
Friends of the IDF
Environmetal Workers Group - the group that noticed that Teflon was dangerous. They are a non-profit that tests products for safety; they have an affiliated web site on which they post the results of their indpendent lab-testing of products so consumers can find out what potentially harmful chemicals are in the different things they buy. www.ewg.org
Drisha
Charity: Water uses donations to drill wells and provide clean drinking water in developing nations. charitywater.org
Heifer International
Table to Table Israel - a food-collection non-profit that picks up extra food from caterers, farmers, and hotels, to deliver to soup kitchens throughout Israel. www.leket.org

 

I'm so biased

against sleep, that is. Have been for going on 30 years. On a side note, does mint tea contain caffeine? I had assumed not, but this is the 2nd night in a row where I imbibed mint tea and then had trouble falling asleep.

Not to Teaneck

This story begins when Fred was born and we didn't have a first name for her. So we filled out that her last name should be Bronstein, and left the hospital, on the assumption that they would call us within 2 days as they had done for Gus.

Instead we got a birth certificate 6 weeks later that said "No Name Given" Weiss-Bronstein. Wrong on both accounts.

We submitted the forms to correct it, but the NYC Dept. decided that it was a case of adding the father's name, not fixing a mistake, so they rejected the paperwork. 

I called the hospital and they sent me a letter, but the letter said that it was not a hospital error. No go.

I called the hospital again and got a new letter that said it was a hospital error, but we lost it when we moved.

So I called again and got a new letter. Great.

Yesterday we went in to submit all the paperwork. 

Our trip started with me trying to fit a transformer together that was manufactured wrong, so it wouldn't fit. THEN, after 5 minutes, I noticed that there was a tag that said 'Contains lead, may cause birth defects'. And I'm pregnant! Great.

We get to downtown after 2 hours, park, and walk to the address listed on the website. Gus had refused to put on her coat, so she was freezing. Avaham picked her up, and I was carrying Fred, but between the baby belly, Fred, and her falling-off froggy boots, I had to put her down and walk with her very slowly for 2 blocs. We walk in, and they tell us we need to go somewhere 6 tenths of a mile away. We look up walking directions, but Avraham's blackberry is taking 5 minutes to load the map. So we decide to take a cab, but just in case, we go to get cash.

We go into the original Duane Reade, and the ATM rejects our card. Avraham tries again, and we get rejected again. So he calls Capital One, and they tell him there's a block due to suspicious activity which can only be remove in person at our branch. He yells at them re: being stranded in the city with kids, wife, and no car, then notices a CO bank across the street. He hangs up and we run across the street. We catch a cab, and go to the right building. After waiting in line, getting yelled at for the kids moving around, and having my blood sugar plummet, we get to the front. Fred is crying for food, Gus is hyper. We've been downtown, bouncing around, for 2 hours now. I present my paperwork, and the woman says that they don't correct paperwork for 2007 babies due to hospital error, and she doesn't believe it was a hospital error, so she wants the paperwork I filled out in the hospital 2 years ago. I tell her they no longer have it (yes, I'd asked), and she tells me I will need a court order to correct the birth certificate.

Which is completely untrue, but there's no point in arguing with her, so we leave. We get in a cab and ask to go to 105 Duane, but the guy thinks we want to go to Brooklyn. After explaining that he doesn't know Manhattan, he says "Can I help you?" in this cheerful voice, and I'm like "Clearly not!".

We get another taxi, get back to the car, fight through 30 minutes of traffic, get to the FDR (the girls pass out), go to the heights, and pick up Yitzhak and pizza, then go to Sarah's apartment. It's 3:40.

Anyhow, I rechecked the papers today, and I need a hospital error paper to fix the last name, and either immunization records, a letter from the doctor, or a religious document to add a first name. Luckily, the Rabbi who named my daughter is also her father, so we're going to re-submit everything by mail with a letter from THS.

I managed not to cry, scream, or throw anything after the whole morning, so I think I'm doing okay : )

Avraham ran a shiva minyan on the east side last night, so we were home a short 12 hours after we'd left.

So, no, we never made it to Teaneck. 

A Charedi Rabbi speaks out against EJF

Please read the following article (in the original at http://www.vosizneias.com/45420/2009/12/23/new-york-geirus-re-examined-the-other-elephant-in-the-room-that-no-one-is-talking-about/):

New York - Geirus Re-Examined: The Other Elephant in the Room that No One is Talking About 
 
Published on:   Dec 23, 2009 at 09:15 AM News Source: VIN News By Rabbi Yair Hoffman

New York - The system needs a complete overhaul.

Picture a young woman who is struggling to put the funds together to get to seminary. Amazingly, she succeeds. Her excitement is palpable. She works, she borrows, and somehow, someway - she purchases a ticket.

But alas, upon her arrival, she is not accepted to the seminary. Since her mother was a giores many years ago, the gairus needed to be rechecked. This was all based upon the new criterion established and or promulgated by the EJF.

Mind you, the gairus was a good gairus. Indeed, it was checked and relied upon by Rabbonim with unimpeachable credentials. The mother’s level of observance is unassailable as well.

No matter. The girl must undergo another tevilah. Since almost every seminary and yeshiva in Israel checks with the EJF about whether a Gairus must be redone or not, she does not have much choice. It is off to the Mikvah with her – with three Rabbonim in tow.

A quick glance at the EJF website is revealing. Only 19 Batei Din are on the approved list – in the entire United States. Nineteen in the whole country. Every other Bais Din? The plug has been pulled on them.

And so, apparently, the girl has no choice.

Or does she? What about the Mitzvah of Kivud Av V’Aim? If she capitulates to the demands of the EJF – what does this have her saying about her mother?

“Sorry, mom – I don’t believe you are really Jewish – so I am dipping again just to be sure..” Is this true Kivud Av V’aim? Is this not a complete and utter abnegation of the Mitzvah of “VeGair lo sonu”?

And guess what? This remarkable young lady, who does not possess an ounce of Chutzpah within her, chooses not to budge. She did not dip again.

Instead, she waited for a phone call. Perhaps they may change their minds. Perhaps some more evidence would emerge from America.

It was a phone call that never came.

The young lady took a job helping a harried mother with her young children while she waited.. And waited. And waited.

The end of the story was that she never got into the seminary. But she remained pure of the horrific stain of hurting the two people in her life that she loves most - her parents. Her observance of Kivud Av v’Aim remained intact. And perhaps that devotion, that “Dama Ben Nesina” type of experience - may have been a greater spiritual elevation than any seminary in the world could have provided.

Unfortunately, this is not the only story.

The next one goes like this:

Picture a couple that cannot get married. They cannot marry because the gairus that one of them underwent years earlier was not acceptable to the EJF for some reason. Yet, all members of that Bais Din were frum Rabbonim. They were Talmidei Chachomim with rock-solid reputations.

There is no question that those who made that call were in complete violation of the issurei deoraisos involved in “veGair lo sonu.”

Of course, one may protest that everything that was done by EJF was done with the approval of Gedolei Yisroel. In light of recent events, however, the credibility of this claim must certainly be called into question.

There is a fascinating and most remarkable Yam Shel Shlomo (Bava Kamma Perek 7 Siman 37). The author writes that, according to his opinion, an actual blessing should be recited at a Siyum – a completion of a Talmudic tractate. Yes, the Maharshal - Rabbi Shlomo Luriah was of the opinion that the blessing of “SheHaSimcha B’mono” should be recited at a siyum – because “there is no greater simcha or rina before Hashem than a simcha of Torah.” And he writes further, “And so I ruled.”

But then at one such party – sheer pandemonium struck. The holy Maharshal writes, “And I pinned this terrible event on myself - for I have violated the words of the sages, who had never heard such a thing [about this new practice of reciting the blessing]..”

The point is clear. The retroactive undoing of Gairus – performed by kosher, erlicha Rabbis and Talmidei Chachomim, is unheard of. Never in history was this done.

Is it no wonder that sheer pandemonium would develop in regard to this organization? Is it no wonder that a chilul Hashem of such magnitude would develop here?

There are two steps that need to be taken. The first is that a Rabbinic organization in the right wing Torah world should denounce the avlah that has occurred. Why is it that the RCA is the sole organization thus far to stand up for Torah? Many Poskim have ruled that the new ideas that have come out of this organization are against Shulchan Aruch. Yes, against Shulchan Aruch.

In light of the horrendous events that have occurred and the track record involved here, one cannot assume that anything presented in the name of Gedolim is necessarily true. Anything that seems to go against Shulchan Aruch and the responsa literature must be re-evaluated.

The second thing that must be done is our Gedolei HaPoskim and Rabbonim have to step up and devise some alternative to the system of evaluation set up by an organization led by a suspect individual. Neshamos are crying out to us. Rabbonim and Talmidei Chachomim of unimpeachable credentials have been destroyed and devastated by this organization.

The words of Rabbi Shlomo Luria are screaming out at us! The question is - will we listen?

The author can be reached at yairhoffman2@gmail.com

Dollhouse

There's a 3 week hiatus before they air the last 3 episodes of the show.

So - the 2 hour block this past Friday night was extremely suspenseful, yet somehow not scary. The Victor back-story was good to finally get. I'm excited to meet Caroline. I'm still not quite sure how they woke Ballard up...

And now on to speculation!

I think that Ballard has his sexuality taken away from him, becuase it's one of the few things he wouldn't notice immediately. I also think that he's going to die at the end of the show, because 1) he was dying anyhow, and 2) if they point is to unwipe everyone and destroy the technology, he can't live out his life as a doll.

Clyde 2.0 looks it would be someone who is brilliant and worked at Rossum. The first part leads us to Topher, Bennet, and a few others. The second seems to point to execs at Rossum, but it could also point to the ealier dolls - like Alpha. He knows the tech, developed his own, and is looking to destroy Rossum for reasons never fully fleshed out.

They're going to have to do something to the mainframe to get all 23 Dollhouses to crash at once. I think that will entail killing everyone left in the attic, and with the team based in LA, only those dolls may survive.

Where is Clyde himself? He said that he's halfway across the country. Do we know where Rossum headquarters are and I've simply forgotten?

Avraham would like to know how Clyde manifested himself to do look different in other people's minds.

I'd like to know how Echo remembered and recognized Caroline's family and memories. Although I'm still not clear on whether those were Caroline's memories tied in with Echo's imprints (i.e., was that actually Caroline's family in the golfing scene?), or her imprints' memories that Echo remembers as hers because they're all 'her'.

This show has become so fantastic, so amazing. It's a shame that it had to be on network where it had to be dumbed-down, and on a network that is known not to really commit to these types of shows.

I'd love to see Joss move to a cable station like Sci-Fi, where they'd invest money in PR, have a fan base, and give him free reign.

Finally, my thoughts

Last week I'd never heard the name Leib Tropper. Being married to a Rabbi, and living where we do, we do sometimes have geirut issues arise. So I was very much aware of the issues as they arose. First the Beit Din in Israel was trying to say who exactly could perform conversions *outside* of Israel - not enough to be an RCA Rabbi, but you'd have to be on a special list. Then there was the business of refusing to acknowledge certain conversions which were already completed, bith in Israel and in the US.

And sadly, the group causing this hooplah, pain, and tension, was all Hareidi.

Some people in the Hareidi world wanted to control all geirut - not just in Israel, but worldwide. The vehicle they chose to do this was EJF, run by Leib Tropper.

I think we have all heard by now about the various abuses and scandals perpetrated by this man, so I feel no need to go into it. But having read what I have, it's clear to me that:

1. Geirut cannot be controlled by a small group of people in Israel

2. Geirut in Israel must be controlled primarily by the Cheif Rabbis. They need to man up and fire the Rabbis who said that conversions done through their own system are not Kosher. Anyone who denies the ability of the courts can not work in the courts.

3. EJF must be disbanded. A new Hareidi conversion group can open, but it needs to step into the modern world and have checks and balances, with openness and a way for people to be heard if they are worried about something.  In addition, there needs to be some sort of PR campaign to let people know that there are other ways of doing geirut than through ultra-Orthodox Rabbis, who may encourage a life-style that doesn't fit for everyone (ref: the sad story of a woman told she's no longer Jewish because she wore pants and didn't consistently cover her hair).

4. Finally, and most importantly, the 'Gedolim' in the Hareidi world need to openly address what has happened. Condemn it, explain why it is wrong, why it is abuse, and why above all abuse will not be tolerated. If you need a model for a Rabbi who stood up and said "I made a mistake and I will dedicate my life to making sure those mistakes don't happen again on my watch", please consult with Rabbi Yosef Blau.

4a. Please stop the hateful talking about other Jews. We are all Jews, which is the most important thing - more important than how we learn, what we wear, or what shul we daven in. If you don't know why this is important, I urge you to remember that Sinat Chinam is what destroyed us. If you don't like how someone lives their life, judge the action and not the person. I learned this in 3rd grade, and I've tried to hold to it my whole life.

I'm not going to ask for anything ridiculous like you telling ppl to get jobs or education - I won't judge your way of life. But I also will not financially support it, and I hope that one major thing to come of all this is that everyone reconsiders where their money is going and what is being accomplished with it. I will not reconsider my decision until I know that as a community you speak out against abuse, and follow up any whiff of it to make sure people aren't being victimized.

And - that is all.

I missed this

This essay will appear in next week’s Jewish Press. Generally, as per my arrangement with The Jewish Press, I do not post columns until the issue is on the newsstand. However, due to the nature and timeliness of this subject, The Jewish Press is permitting its release prior to publication as a public service.

Abuse Survivors; Please Do Not Suffer Alone

By: Dr. Benzion Twerski and Rabbi Yakov Horowitz

In recent days, reports have circulated in the media and on the Internet about the tragic early passing of yet another young man in our community. Those reports indicate that the trauma of childhood abuse followed him and complicated his adult life to the point that it impinged on the quality of his personal relationships.

It is not the intent of these lines to substantiate these reports nor is it to dismiss them. Rather, we wish to use the opportunity presented by this horrible calamity and the dialogue it has created on the internet and in the street to once again loudly and forcefully reiterate the message we have been projecting for many years to victims of abuse – “Please reach out for help and do not suffer alone.”

For even in the event that the facts as reported in this particular tragedy are not accurate, they are most certainly consistent with the pattern we have unfortunately seen over and over again, where victims of childhood abuse go through unspeakable agony as they attempt to singlehandedly deal with the toxic aftereffects of the trauma they suffered in their formative years. We have each encountered numerous instances where untreated childhood abuse follows victims into adulthood, shredding their marriages and rendering them often incapable of entering into a loving and intimate relationship with their spouses until a trained mental health professional helps them sort things out. We have each been involved with more than a few childhood abuse victims who became addicted to heroin and/or cocaine, in an unsuccessful attempt to wash away the searing pain of their trauma. We have each paid more than a few shiva calls to families of abuse victims, who years and even decades later took their own lives.

There are a number of reasons why abuse victims would not avail themselves of intervention and assistance. Some are understandably reluctant or frightened to share the facts of their abuse with others. Others, who did have the courage to confide in adults in their lives were encouraged or intimidated into remaining silent – especially if the perpetrator is a respected individual or a close family member. This sends a horrible message to the victim – that he or she has done something that cannot see the light of day. The result is a that a never-ending video loop now plays in the mind of the victim, as societal pressure abuses them again and again, by forcing them to remain silent and unsupported.

There are many events that simultaneously involve more than one “system.” For example, when one gets arrested for driving under the influence which caused injuries or death, there are criminal penalties for drunk driving and financial reparations due for the damages caused. However, neither of these tracks deals with the fact that the perpetrator has a drinking problem. Courts realize they cannot treat alcoholism, as revoking licenses, impounding cars, and even jail terms will not prevent recidivism – especially if treatment is warranted but not followed.

Various efforts have been undertaken in recent years – all of which are necessary – in the arenas of prevention, education, training, and the need for reporting. And we both have proudly participated in many of them. However, despite the fact that these initiatives and the awareness they generate are often soothing to past abuse victims, none of these help them regain their footing. Only therapy by a licensed and trained professional can accomplish that.

We are therefore reaching out to anyone who was ever abused or molested in their childhood years and begging you to please do yourself the ultimate favor and get help.

Therapy may not solve all issues in your life, but it will do much to make your future brighter and filled with greater promise. In fact, many survivors thrive and build beautiful lives for themselves and their families following successful treatment.

It may be true that some people are resilient and survive with little apparent damage (apparent is the operative word). However, this is not the norm, and with the dangers involved, we would not recommend that you even risk this small chance. So; for your sake, and for the sake of your spouse and children, please, please get help.

This may mean several things:

1. Contact a mental health professional who is experienced in counseling trauma victims. (I strongly feel that well-intentioned individuals like me, who do not have professional training in abuse treatment, are not equipped to deal with these issues and should limit our involvement to supporting the efforts of the professionals, and steering those who seek our guidance in these matters directly to them. Y.H.)

1. Get information about trauma and its effects.

1. Connect with other victims/survivors. The camaraderie and support are invaluable.

We strongly suggest that you ignore those who inform you, that getting married and starting a family will help you, “Get over it.” Experience has taught us that it will often complicate things rather than heal them.

Please, please do not suffer alone. Reach out for help today.

In closing, we offer you our sincere and heartfelt bracha that Hashem grant you menuchas hanefesh and simchas hachayim (tranquility and joy) in your lives.

© 2009 Dr. Benzion Twerski and Rabbi Yakov Horowitz, all rights reserved

Rabbi Yakov Horowitz is a regular columnist in The Jewish Press. Dr. Benzion Twerski is a renowned and much sought-after mental health professional who holds a Ph.D. in psychology from University of Pittsburgh. Dr. Twerski has been one of the leading voices in our community on the issue of child abuse for more than a decade. He lives and practices in Brooklyn, N.Y. and can be reached at btwerski@gmail.com

One of my favorite songs

I'm So Glad - The Persuasions 

I'm so glad I gotta head,
I gotta head,
I gotta head,
I'm so glad I gotta head,
I can lay on my piilow when I'm lying in bed.
Lying in bed,
lying in bed,
I can lay on my piilow when I'm lying in bed.

I'm so glad I got hair,
I got hair,
I got hair,
I'm so glad I got hair,
It feels mighty funny with nothing up there.
Nothing up there,
nothing up there,
It feels mighty funny with nothing up there.

I'm so glad I got eyes,
I got eyes,
I got eyes,
I'm so glad I got eyes,
When I get sad I can always cry.
Always cry,
always cry,
When I get sad I can always cry.

I'm so glad I gotta nose,
I gotta nose,
I gotta nose,
I'm so glad I gotta nose,
Even though it looks like one of my toes.
One of my toes,
one of my toes,
Even though it looks like one of my toes.

I'm so glad I got teeth,
I got teeth,
I got teeth,
I'm so glad I got teeth,
`Cause there's so many good things to eat.
Things to eat,
things to eat,
`Cause there's so many good things to eat.

I'm so glad I got arms,
I got arms,
I got arms,
I'm so glad I got arms,
That's what keeps my hands on.
Hands on,
hands on,
That's what keeps my hands on.

I'm so glad I got feet,
I got feet,
I got feet,
I'm so glad I got feet,
I can walk and jump and skip down the street.
Skip down the street,
skip down the street,
I can walk and jump and skip down the street.

I'm so glad I got skin,
I got skin,
I got skin,
I'm so glad I got skin,
That's what keeps my insides in.
Insides in,
insides in,
That's what keeps my insides in.

I'm so glad I gotta face,
I gotta face,
I gotta face,
I'm so glad I gotta face,
`Cause I'm a member of the human race.
Human race,
human race,
`Cause I'm a member of the human race.
Human race,
human race,
`Cause I'm a member of the human race.
Human race,
human race,
`Cause I'm a member of the human race.