i'm cleaning up my room and finding all kinds of bits and pieces.
some notes from a class called Torat Chaim that i'd like to share:
These are relationship tips from a class I took with an amazing woman. They work with every relationship, but were given to us framed in reference to marriage. I’ve found them to be helpful in all kinds of situations, and wanted to share.
Criticism
It’s never comfortable to give criticism.
- “I” messages
- Never criticize in public, even in a kidding way.
- Tone of voice - non-aggressive, not necessarily direct.
- Show that you care
- Pick your moment
- Wait til you calm down a little
- Be sure you’re in a position to say it
- Stick to your topic
- Say ‘it’ not ‘you’
- Don’t generalize
- Cushion it.
Don’t over do it
Don’t only before you’re going to criticize
- Work with him on giving/receiving positive feedback. Make it a way of life.
Don’t get nervous or frightened.
Seek first to understand, then to be understood
- Don’t jump
- Don’t nag
You want to be the one he tells his worries/fears/dreams to. You want to be his outlet, be there for him.
Benefit of the doubt. Easier to judge favorably if you’re not so close. Ask “what happened”, not “where were you”.
Disagreement
- Never generalize – you’re bringing in too much to deal with
- Don’t be offensive; they’ll get defensive
- If the other is generalizing, point it out. “Let’s not generalize.”
- Reason it out without insults.
Trying to stop someone from insulting you by insulting them is like throwing oil on a fire to put it out
- Be aware not to respond tit for tat. Don’t just let it go, but don’t answer in the same way. Use sensitivity.
Effective communication takes work.
- If a person has difficulty understanding you, don’t repeat it in the same way. The message is “I don’t care if you understand, I just want to express myself.”
- Don’t say that something is ridiculous – ask what they mean.
And that’s where my notes end… bell must have rung.
No comments:
Post a Comment