kiruv

the community i live in does not sanction kiruv.  the thinking is that as long as each (frum) family takes cares of its own, and keeps those kids frum, they have no further obligation into the community.  and if a kid gets lost along the way, there's a bit of shame and gossip involved, but not much more.  as far as the kids who don't grow up in an orthodox home, there's no means of learning.  we have a day school that keeps going more and more to the right (they want to split the boys and girls in kindergarten in a community where a big grade is 15 kids; as a child i was yelled at for singing hatikva), making anyone not yeshivish feel v unwelcome.  we have a bais yakov which in my day consisted of 13 girls in 3 grades and one classroom (oh, but we had uniforms.  G-d forbid we ease up on the ugly parochial school uniforms!).  we have a yeshiva which has a history of poor secular education and encouraging students to cut off contact with their less frum families (although the parents were still expected to provide tuition).  we have a kollel.  we have no NCSY chapter, a USY chapter, one Rabbi who learns with the non-Orthodox community, a Talmud Torah run by the Conservative temple...  there is v clear and v sharp line between frum and frei.

people speak of kiruv in general lofty terms.  but what do they mean by it?  do they mean giving people a background in Judaism?  a doorway into experiencing a full Shabbat?    a way of relating to history and therefore having a stronger Jewish identity?

in my (limited) experience, i have found that the actual meaning of kiruv to most people is "i will take this nebbuch of a not-frum person, and educate him or her to be holding exactly where i am, cause that's takkeh frum".  people say that they embrace chozrei b'tshuva, but i have seen people become more religious without going as far to the right as the people who brought them in, and they are shunned.  they are made to feel that all of their accomplishments aren't worth anything.  and why?  are they shomrei shabbat and kashrut?  yes.  do they actively pursue a halachic life?  yes.  do they try to grow and improve their relationship with G-d?  yes.  so what's the issue?

to put it bluntly, from the perspective of some rebbeim and educators and even kiruv organizations, unless the person becomes chareidi, chassidish, or otherwise a carbon copy of whoever is doing the 'outreach', they have failed.  not only is this totally insane, but the implications of how they view the rest of the Orthodox world and general Jewish society is staggering.

in my ideal world in my head, everyone who learned about Judaism would choose to practice it actively, and to be Orthodox on some level.  but realistically, what i would love is for people to have the opportunity to learn, and then figure out where they are.  imagine the opportunities we could have!  picture a yeshiva where people come from all backgrounds and learn together, and walk out as individuals, each with their own way of understanding and relating to Torah.  can you see how tremendous it would be for me to sit and have a chavrusa with my Conseravtive cousin and my Munkaczer cousin?  to learn Torah and halacha and hashkafa together, and understand and respect each other's differences?

kiruv can not be about making the person achieve some ideal set in somebody's head.  it has to be about letting people learn, and decide who they are, and how Judaism factors into that.  i think Judaism is so beautiful, so open, with a place for every person and every interest.  well, almost every interest.  *grin*.  when i envision my children, i see them anywhere from chareidi with seamed stockings and pillboxes over their sheitels to fully MO, from yeshivish to hardcore tzioni.  as long as each of them becomes who they are meant to be, and does it from the heart, the soul.

that being said, it saddens me that such a resource of active Jewish living such as my (Ortho) community is cut off from the rest of the Jewish community here.  there is instead resentment, judgement, an absolute inability to communicate on any level past pat pleasantries.  we should all be part of one big Jewish community, where we learn about each other, and feel like a family - not agreeing or approving of everything the other does, but helping and teaching and learning.

funny song to quote from, but still, he did have a point:

Imagine all the people

Living life in peace

You may say I'm a dreamer

But I'm not the only one