i get this call last night from a college friend i'm not really in touch with lately.
him: so i hear you and avraham are having problems
me: what are you talking about?
him: i hear you're not as frum as he expected you would be.
me: (stunned silence)
him: and that you're a lot wilder than he expected. and your friends are too wild for him. and you have communication issues.
me: what are you talking about?
apparently a number (4, to be precise) of people have spoken to this guy about my relationship with my husband.
i hung up and turned to tell avraham. he looked at me, confused. we sat there in silence for a minute, trying to digest that the marriage we thought was going so well was all this time a sham. that we were indeed unhappy and not communicative. i mean, it was a shock to us, we thought we were getting along splendidly.
the only conclusions we could draw after an hour of watching TV was that 1. the people who are "concerned" are obviously not close enough friends that they felt they could approach us with their concerns, 2. they are not close enough to know avraham, 3. they have not spend a lot of time with us as a couple, and 4. they have no hold on who my close friends are if they went to talk to someone i've seen twice in the past year and a half.
i think that it's a gaggle of girls who secretly love avraham and want to win him over. poor poor gaggle of girls - i can really sympathize. when i thought i'd have to live without avraham, i was pretty sad too.
but - NOT NICE! there is no excuse for talking crap about someone's marriage! and if it were true that we were having issues, why not come straight to us if you're so concerned? i mean, if we were having problems, why would we want to talk to someone 3rd hand? and would we want other people discussing it? (answer for the dumb ones: NO)
so a gentle potch for the talkie people who put a drop of not-nice into an otherwise amazing weekend. don't do it again. it'll really piss us off.
1. 'Dani Weiss' posted on the Mon 22 Nov 2004, 11:48 am
ReplyDeleteto clarify - i appreciate that he called me instead of talking abot it or ignoring what might have potentially been a problem. i'm pissed at the people who talked TO him (not that i know who they were).
2. 'A visitor' posted on the Mon 22 Nov 2004, 12:13 pm
ReplyDeleteso strange and random
leeby
3. 'Jessica' posted on the Mon 22 Nov 2004, 3:43 pm
ReplyDeleteDani,
Wow, to think I took your word for it that everything was great...
You should thank these anonymous cowards for talking about you and your husband behind your back... otherwise, how could you possibly ever have known that your matrimonial bliss was a sham?
Moreover, all of the "concerns" mentioned are things that your husband knew before you got married. If he was ok with it then, do people really find it neccessary to try to rock the boat now with their silly observations?
Even assuming everything they said is true, aka, you're wild, he's not... blah, blah. Hasn't anyone heard of opposittes attract?
I don't mean to sound too harsh, but one of my pet peeves regarding people (and for some reason is seems to be more prevalent in the religious community) is the inability of people to mind their own friggin business.
Especially, when most of these "legitimate concerns" boil down to nothing more than "petty jealousy."
But, to add some lightness to this anger (and since humor is my most often invoked defense mechanism) I now provide, for your reading enjoyment:
Top ten people who's advice you should take to heart:
1. Bedroom tips from a virgin
2. Kashrut law from a Catholic
3. Homework help from a high school drop-out
4. Constitutional Law/Bill of Rights from President Bush (funny? wait a couple years)
5. Peace proposals from the PLO
6. Dining etiquette from Dahmer
7. Class scheduling from anyone in the YU administration
8. Room Decor from the color-blind
9. Monogamy from Clinton
9(a). Dry Clean stain removal from Monica
10. Relationship advice from yours truly
For the record, Dani, I love you and think you're wacky wild personality is exactly what attracted such a wonderful person to your unique vibrant person!
Don't let other people's concerns become your concerns!
Don't let other people get you down with their B.S.
I love you!
Visit me @ http://jessiesue.blog-city.com/
'Jessica' posted on the Mon 22 Nov 2004, 3:43 pm
ReplyDeleteDani,
Wow, to think I took your word for it that everything was great...
You should thank these anonymous cowards for talking about you and your husband behind your back... otherwise, how could you possibly ever have known that your matrimonial bliss was a sham?
Moreover, all of the "concerns" mentioned are things that your husband knew before you got married. If he was ok with it then, do people really find it neccessary to try to rock the boat now with their silly observations?
Even assuming everything they said is true, aka, you're wild, he's not... blah, blah. Hasn't anyone heard of opposittes attract?
I don't mean to sound too harsh, but one of my pet peeves regarding people (and for some reason is seems to be more prevalent in the religious community) is the inability of people to mind their own friggin business.
Especially, when most of these "legitimate concerns" boil down to nothing more than "petty jealousy."
But, to add some lightness to this anger (and since humor is my most often invoked defense mechanism) I now provide, for your reading enjoyment:
Top ten people who's advice you should take to heart:
ReplyDelete1. Bedroom tips from a virgin
2. Kashrut law from a Catholic
3. Homework help from a high school drop-out
4. Constitutional Law/Bill of Rights from President Bush (funny? wait a couple years)
5. Peace proposals from the PLO
6. Dining etiquette from Dahmer
7. Class scheduling from anyone in the YU administration
8. Room Decor from the color-blind
9. Monogamy from Clinton
9(a). Dry Clean stain removal from Monica
10. Relationship advice from yours truly
For the record, Dani, I love you and think you're wacky wild personality is exactly what attracted such a wonderful person to your unique vibrant person!
Don't let other people's concerns become your concerns!
Don't let other people get you down with their B.S.
I love you!
Visit me @ http://jessiesue.blog-city.com/
4. 'A visitor' posted on the Mon 22 Nov 2004, 3:49 pm
ReplyDeleteYou have good reason to be ticked off at them, and I think you're attitude in dealing with it is appropriate. I think that most of these people could be jealous or insecure and are just doing projection.
Josh
5. 'A visitor' posted on the Mon 22 Nov 2004, 10:51 pm
ReplyDeleteDani,
I have never met you, but from reading your blog here and there, it is obvious that you and Avraham are quite happy, and I hope that continues. People are so obnoxious sometimes.
Susan