funk

if you missed it, i've been in a kind of funk for a while.  between people who keep putting themselves in craptastic places in life and coming to to - what, fix it?, exhaustion, and a general sadness taht comes every winter, i've been defensive, down, and easily annoyed.

last night i watched a movie love affair (the original that affair to remember was based on), and i sat on the couch crying hysterically, just cause i needed to.

it's funny how i sit there and sob even though it has nothing to do with me.  but it's haunting, especially when it touches on people's own stupidity making everyong miserable.  so i sat and had myself a good cry, tears dribbling off my chin, eyes red.  it was highly satisfying.

for those who don't know the story, i'm about to tell it:
two people (terry and michel), who are each in their own relationship, meet on a ship as they're going to new york.  they're drawn to each other even though they have their own commitments.  she fights it, and when he realizes that it's more than a passinf flirtation, he tries to fight it too.  they dock one day, and she meets his grandmother.  it's just beautiful.  they see sides of each other they'd missed on the boat, and you can visibly see the connection between them.  on the last night on the boat, he asks her to meet him 6 months, after they've both gotten their lives together.

as they part, she calls over her shoulder, "oh, and do you like children?"
he says "yes, i love them."
she glows for amiute, then runs back to her room.

the next morning she presses a note into his hand, with a plan to meet in 6 months on the 102nd floor of the empire state building.

she quits her job (she was working for her boyfriend, who she also dumps), goes to philly, and builds a career singing.  he breaks up with his heiress finace, and starts working as a billboard painter while trying to sell paintings he has done.  he does a painting of her with his grandmother, and can't bring himself to put it up for sale.

finally the day arrives.  she comes back to new york, buys a new fabulous dress, and runs off to meet him.  her ex runs into her and tries to win her back, but she's so wrapped up in the moment, she barely notices.  she jumps into a cab and rushes to the empire state building, where they're supposed to meet at 5.  as she looks up at the 102nd floor, thinking of him, a taxi hits her.

he waits til midnight and then stalks away.

she hides out, recuperating, hoping she'll be able to walk again some day.  she refuses to have anyone tell him, saying she wants to be able to run to him.  he goes back to his old playboy life, miserbale and heart broken.  he goes to visit his grandmother in medeira, only to find she has just died (leaving her prayer shawl for terry).

one night she's well enough to go out to the theatre with her ex, and he's there with his ex.  they pass each other, and he just looks at her for a moment, hands her something she's dropped, and leaves.  her ex brings her wheelchair and takes her home.

the next day he goes to see her, having found her in the phone book.  she's on a couch, with her legs covered.  there's a heated awkward exchange about the night they were supposed to meet.  he tells her he's leaving new york, maybe never coming back, and that he will never trust women again.  she still won't break, still won't tell him why she didn't come, didn't call, didnt even leave a note.

as he's leaving, he gives her the shawl and mentions that he painted her wearing it.  he tells her that he didn't want to sell the painting, and he was going to throw it away.  but a young woman came in to the art store and asked his agent how much it was, and she was poor and paralyzed.  then it hits him, and he stalks through the room looking for the painting.  when he sees it, a look of complete horror and regret comes over his face.  he runs to her, hugs her, and they're re-united.

tears tears tears