when the thoughts keep spinning and spinning in your head (or mine, as the case may be) until you feel like someone'se opened a laundromat in your brain... maybe it's a sign that you (or me) think too much. if i space out enough in this lovely tired state, i can see them melt down into liquid colors, like molten wax, spin in and back out together, like a tie-dye come to life in my head, frenetic and circular. v vibrant thoughts in this head. : )
my teddy bear's name is Cody, and i bought him on the street. he was one of about 50 on that block being sold, profits going to the missing childrens organization. Cody's cute. his face looks like a mix between a monkey, puppy, and teddy bear. expressive eyebrows. and a wonderfully happy and particularly british looking scarf wrapped around his neck. i started a minhag last week of sleeping with him tucked under my arm.
i'm trying to force my thoughts away from the one that keeps coming up and butting its nose against the glass, silently screaming for me to look at it. hehe. i just mentally threw in more soap, and saw suds cover everything.
maybe i should stop talking to boys. maybe i should stop wearing pants. maybe i should get my hair straightened. ... it's not working, none of it. where's the benevolence of lack of consciousness? i want to not think! i want to sink into heavy darm sleep, let the riotous colors continue their carousing elsewhere. i want the blackness to envelop me so it feels like i am losing myself into it, as if my bed was a black hole and sleep was consuming me.
my mother was crawling on the carpet earlier tonight. she and my father may go to prague on their way back from israel after my cousin's bar mitzva. i said something funny. they laughed. i wish i had a video camera with me.
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