i enjoy being a girl

there's one thing i hate above all others as regards being a Jewish woman - we're not really taught what is Halacha versus what is Chumra.

i remmeber as a kid i was at my aunt's house and she was eating tuna fish and egg salad.  i suggested that she compliment it with cottage cheese.  she looked at m in horror and said "you can't eat milk with fish!"

i was so embarrassed.  i had no idea that i'd been over this my whole life, that my parents didn't know!

i did my daughterly duty and told my mother.  she laughed for a second, then told me that it's a chassidishe chumra.

this has stuck with me for years.  the certainty in my aunt's voice as she declared what she thought was Halacha.  the dread in my mind.

years later this was mirrored for me in a much sadder way.  a relative of mine had been raised not talking to boys, and decided that she wanted to start hanging out with them.  apparently her mother had taught her that talking to them was as much of a Halachic problem as touching around with them.  so guess what?  within days of talking to them, she was fooling around as well.  i called her and tried to explain that she could befriedn guys and still maintain negiah laws, but the point was lost on her.

i worry about having kids, about raising daughters.  i'm scared to undereducate them and leave them vulnerable to a world that would rather saddle them with chumra than deal with the ramifications of a simple Halachic life.  i'm scared to overeducate and have them stand out from the crowd, mocked and ridiculed by others for their knowledge.

please tell me that there's another choice?