You never win...

You know those parents who are just poised to take offense? Who like to be different, but can't handle it when someone disagrees with their methods? I just had a run-in with one of them.

In regards to this article, my friend posted saying there were some things to learn from the mom who wrote it. I commented, my friend commented back, and then a friend of hers chimed in about how she loved the article. She mentioned that she sometimes calls her kids
nasty little brats'.

I wrote, mostly in response to my friend, the following:
My daughter would be really hurt if I called her garbage, and not because she's frail. Because she knows not to talk meanly to others, and would be hurt if I spoke meanly to hurt.
In our house we talk about healthy bodies. Fat is not the issue - I have to encourage my younger daughter to eat more balanced meals because she can get too thin, which is not good for a 3-year old. Calling them names wouldn't be teaching them how to eat properly.
I'm reasonably strift. I'm the mom who says no to treats, who has to throw out non-Kosher awesome-looking food almost daily that they get from school, and who makes them wait for the adults before eating from the kiddush. My kids are well-versed in strict behavior. But I don't feel the need to be mean. The world is mean enough.


and then directly addressed the other friend (whom I don't know):

Xxx, many things can be said if they're said with love. Most people don't lovingly call their children nasty. Rather than tell my child she or he *is* a brat, I'd tell her or him not to *behave like* a brat.


I thought I had expressed my views and SOP without being offensive. Boy was I wrong (note the misspelling of my name, which is kinda funny):


Well Daniella, you are entitled to raise your kids according to whatever way you wish. As am I, so how bout we knock off the condescending attitude k? Thanks. And sorry you think your kids feelings are too "delicate" to be ruffled. If you think I'm defensive, I am. I don't appreciate the holier than thou attitude. Sometimes kids don't "get the love" thing and they need a mirror held up to their face. I'm glad what works for you works for you, but allow others their way as well, or are you ganna teach your kids that others aren't allowed to have their own way? Anyway, Yyy, like I said, thanks for the article.


I replied with the following 2 posts:
I didn't mean to be condescending, and I apologize if it came across that way. I just come from where I was as a kid (which was waaaay sensitive), and I'm sure you are a very loving parent being as Yyy is friends with you and I trust her judgement. I just don't think that the mother in this article understands that her way doesn't work for everyone (she sounds very judgmental at points). Again, most parents I know don't say 'nasty' or 'brat' lovingly, and I know enough verbally abusive parents to have those words bother me a lot. I didn't mean it as a judgment on *you*, and I'm sorry you took it that way. I thought I had phrased myself carefully enough to make it clear that I was not attacking you. Again, I'm sorry for upsetting you - it was completely not my intention.
But I particularly don't like how you just came out and attacked me or my kids without giving me the benefit of the doubt at all, if we're holding up mirrors.


Seriously, I'm re-reading what I wrote to you, and I thought it was obvious that I was assuming you say things from a place of love (that doesn't mean gently or delicately). I'm not sure why you're so pissed about that...


Between me and her, I don't think I was the condescending one... But I'm definitely the one who's bothered enough to post this on her blog, so I'm probably the crazier one.