-less

no more music at work, thank you jacques. as if it wasn't tedious enough beforehand. lovely. anyone want to buy me an ipod?

i have to wonder about parents who nitpick and nag their kids to death. *WARNING*: this is going ot be a bit of a whine session here, sorry - i'm feeling mopey.

i think i'm a pretty good kid, as kids go. i'm messy, i'm moody, i help out, i do dishes, i do laundry, i cook, i work all day, i babysit my niece and nephews, i've never done crack or shown up at my house drunk, been pregnant, gone to jail, been in a (physical) fight...

so why did i end up on my couch in tears just 15 minutes ago? i'm frustrated. it kills me that my parents seem to see me as a total fuck-up, no matter what the issue is or how minor it may be. half the time when i ask for something i get the impression that i'm inconveniencing them beeyond belief, so i try not to ask for too much, and then they get annoyed when i need help and didn't tell them. or i'll do somehting that will upset them (like let a friend crash for a night in my room so she can see her fiance without asking permission for her body to occupy a bed), and when i apologize, i'm not contrite enough. so i have to apologize for that as well. once to each parent, of course. or is it twice?

needing to use the car is equivalent to starting a coup - or so you'd think from all the upheaval it can cause. when i asked if we could look into buying me a clunker just to get to work and back home, the initial response was that i had not yet proven myself as my brother had by finishing college and holding down one job for 3 years.

i'm feeling like they shouldn't have had me. no, i'm not saying i want my existence to end (G-d forbid!). just that their load would be that much lighter wihout me. and i just want to know - am i really such a bad kid?

*END WHINE TRANSMISSION*

commence blasting music (must stave off a pity party at all costs)