I can't

I can't.

I can't stop thinking about it. About them. About a mother, walking out of her bathroom to see her dead baby in her dead husband's arms, the murderers in front of her, knowing that she would die, knowing that more of her children would die...

I can't stop thinking about the people whose reactions have been so callous.

I can't look at my children now without thinking about how, why, what it means to take a knife to a child, a baby...

I can't understand. I just can't understand. My soul is screaming. It's one horror piled on another.

There is a distinct loss of humanity in the people who killed the Fogels. There is a loss of humanity in the people whose first reaction was political, whatever side those politics may be.

My head is spinning, and I'm not sure what I'm thinking anymore. I am overwhelmed, still somewhat unbelieving that what happened happened. I can't bring myself to look at the pictures, partially because I'm scared that I'll eventually get used to the images. I don't ever want to get used to what happened. I don't ever want to get over the butchering of a family, of babies in their sleep. There are things in life that always haunt us, and the murder of the Fogels will always be with me.

I can't have it any other way.