to have kids

anon: but in a nutshell it is: i have always been upset that i am so 'critically engaged'  in all areas of my life except the emotional-romantic.  and in that area, even knowing that marriage is a construct, etc. etc., i've still been seeking traditionality.  and that makes me feel intellectually dishonest.  or at least the potential for intellectual dishonesty, as well as the potential for a bad marriage.  but here is this odd-ass possibility, that means that in this area i would HAVE TO be critically engaged.  at all times.  for fear of fucking up a real live child

anon: i would have to be on the ball, self-examing, understanding what is going on at every second.  that is a dream of child rearing.  and a nightmare of child rearing too, of course.  but it is the possibility of an ideal, and i like that.

brdmstryx: cause you're a romantic idealist somewhere in there

anon: yes

brdmstryx: scary

anon: what is?

brdmstryx: being fully engaged.  the potential of it, and knowledge that no one will acheive it.

anon: see, i think its possible.  well, not the ideal.  but not fucking it up that badly.  actually doing pretty well at it

brdmstryx: ok

anon: but scary, yes.  ok, i need to get a drink.  i'll speak to you soon?