yes, dear

lalalalalalalalala, yes, dear
lalalalalalalalalla, yes dear.

pause for sneezing

and we're back

in the night

i sleep in fits and starts, packing my blanket behind me, under a leg, supporting whatever needs to be held.  i kick at it, softly, then more vigorosly, and then as defiantly as one can when trying not to wake up.  the piles of pillows and soft things, i turn and kick avraham, knee connecting with knee.  he startles awake, i shush him back down.  sleep comes, and with it, vivid dreams - of a protest, a collapsing building, a vision of my grandfather's ghost warning me away from danger.  attacking a stranger in anger to prove my strength, only to feel foolish after.  in the mall, my grandmother takes the waxing machine and begins buffing the floors.

i wake, always looking at something - the red numbers glaring out from behind my pillowcase, the dulled ceiling in pre-dawn light.  a muffled racket from upstairs, and i'm done for the next few hours.  the alarm up there sounds again, i hear a screamed "fuck!", then the stomping sounds of footsteps rushing at the clock.  i turn, caress my pillows, arrange them, and set back to trying to sleep.  i move too violently, avraham can feel it.  i lie still as long as i can, then kick the blanket.

it's a constant war being fought, even on the nights when i sleep deeply.  i recall (as a child) waking up completely backwards or, as on one strange morning, sideways, with my head propped up against the wall and my feet hanging over the side.

i live for the nights when i fall in to bed and wake up in the same position.  but often i wake up, looking at the clock, by night time master - waking up every hour on that number for he next 5 hours - 1:13, 2:13, 3:13, 4:13, 5:13, 6:13.  then falling down for 2 or 3 hours rest.

8

i am so tired.  has a lot to do with sitting on my butt, bored, avoiding working on history crap.  i'm on vacation from both schools at the same time, conveniently, and have nothing to do (esp as avraham's not on vacation now).  i really shouldn't be complaining - this gives me time to get ahead on all my work for the rest of the semester.  i just need to actually DO it.

ra.

i think i may actually be heading to bed, and it's only 10.  i'm getting old and (to quote my mother) farty - as she informed me last night, it means old fart, like the kind that still ingers, but has lost its potency.  that last bit wasn't quotung her, just expouding on her wisdom.

damn that pizza still smells good.

must sleep

must

sleep

must
sleep

must sleep

mustsleep
must

constant

amazement that anyone still reads this.

channel 4 thinks the strike may end tonight.  that would be cool, although the timing has more than sucked - we go on break for the next week and a half, so i've effectively missed the entire last week of school.

i need to get out of riverdale to someonewhere more normal, where i'm comfortable, where there are stores close by (why are there no bodegas here?), back to manhattan maybe.

or maybe i just need a nap.

the issue of the moment is we have no groceries, and when i went to make lunch, it turned out that the soup i was going to heat up was bad.  so i ate a roll with cream cheese, like every day this week.  i tried to order food, actually, but the place essentially yelled at me for speaking english, then told me they can't do deliveries due to the transit strike - after 3 different people took my order.

so, what am i raving so badly?  a baked potato.  a hot steamy baked potato, crisp golden skin on the outside, soft and fluffy on the inside, with some cheese, broccoli, maybe sour cream.  mmmm

instead i have granola bars and dry cereal ( no milk!).  or i can make pasta again and eat it with ...  hm.  nothing?

gr.  this is why i told my mother this morning to come over and bring food.  who cares if it's a 2 hour drive?

martha

i go back and forth between the martha love and the martha scorn.

k, it's hot and yuchy in here, while outside it's freezing.  which brings me to:

if you have an extra (gently worn) winter coat, please donate it to NY Cares.  they distribute to homeless adults throughout the city.  you can find more information at www.nycares.org.

just think about what you have, and how your life would be if you had to live on the street.  If you have holiday vacation and nothing to do with the time, think about going volunteering at a soup kitchen or running a drive for food or clothes.

hope you're having a good winter/transit strike.  : )

7

So the strike is finally on.  After considering all the options - local buses, taxis, shuttle to 34th + walking 30 blocks, train to Grand Central + walking 25 blocks, I think I'm actually going to stay home today.  I may drive Avraham into work cause I'm such a nice wifey.

I'm just not loving the option that I could get stranded on the UWS.  Call me crazy or whatever, I'd rather work from home.

TIRED

hat sale at my mother's house on sunday, fundraiser for the bais yaakov.  and then birthday party for grandma, how cute!  the kids are getting huge.  benny looks entirely different every time i see him now.  Crazy.  The big bad two year old, he's so cute, I love it!  and Koby's just awesome.  I love how he stands up to Aliza these days, finally.  Who has lost three of her upper front teeth, which are driving my sister nuts, so to me it's just funny.  : )

Ok, if I'm not actually going anywhere today, I may crawl back into bed and sleep untli 9.  ooh, yay.

6

the john lennon memorial last week was amazing.  it's strange how someone who died when i was a baby can have such an emotional effect on my life.  i went to the dakota, stood there and thought about john, and the world, and how so many people lost him that day.  i thought about yoko and cynthia and his little boys, about his friends, his fellow beatles, his fans.  i thought about what would drive someone to take someone else's life like that, how such a seemingly insignificant act (i held it in my hand, i pulled the little trigger) ends life.

i went to central park, to strawberry fields, and stood with the band and the crowd, and we sang john's songs and remembered him.  i left long before yoko came down - yoko.  whatever you may think of her, on that night i hope she was welcomed as the grieving widow she is.

along with that amazing experience, there was an elton john concert on nbc tonight.  i cry too easily.  at least it's happy tears tonight.

5

so fun last night - grocery shopping (we finally have good food in the house!)

so brekkie this morning was yummy yogurt, and last night i had te best salad.  this may not be exciting to you, but as someone who has not had real food around, this is big big news.

so off we go to jc penney to look for things - our microwave blew on friday, so not cool...

oy yoy yoy, have to go get dressed.