new take on an old story

40

and so immature.  i came up with a nickname for avraham a few years back that was just for my use, and a few friends who heard it adopted it.  that occassionally bothered me, but mostly i let it slide.  then a friend started using the same nickname for her boyfriend.  and quite honestly, it's annoying.  mostly because it's my own sweet nickname for my husband, but partly because when the four of us are together and she's calling someone else by his name (by choice!) it's no longer special.  i feel a little robbed.  i didn't think it would bother me because i rarely see them, but it really does.  part of that, most likely, is that the boyfriend didn't know that i had come up with the nickname and thought i was weird when i said somehting about her stealing it.

this is what happens when i don't sleep.  i lie in bed and think about stupid things.  if i were writing a book or a movie, by the way, this would be the point at which the crazy friend (me) decides that the easiest solution is to lose the friendship, and therefore maintain the illusion that the name is special again.

ok, but really, she should have asked me before she co-opted it.  everyone else who calls avraham by it asked first.  is that what bothers me?  i don't know.  too hard to tell.

anyhow, an exterminator came by yesterday and fumigated our place (our summer place, that is, no one has yet had need to spray anything in our real apartment thank GOD).  we slept on the other side of the house last night becase A and Y were in manhattan and graciously offered us their guest room.  the weird thing about this whole summer setup is how to share these spaces (because each is so small, and we're constantly in and out of each other's homes) while still respecting one another's space.  i.e. i don't want to get overly familiar with their home because it is after all theirs and they should always feel that they have their own area.  i keep thinking about how one could construst a pass-through from one side of the house to the other.  i actually was designing one in my mind last night til i remembered that i'd need to see blueprints or layout plans to see where the wires are, and then realized that there probably are no official plans for the wall they threw up in the middle of the house.  so, i'm not going to take a hammer or saw to the wall, but i'm now very curious to see if i could research enough to find out how to do it.

ok, i have to get moving and put on clean clothes and make phone calls and start my day!  it's only 11 am, after all.

41

Riverdale has never looked better.  We have earwigs and ants.  The earwigs seem to have originated from a couch we took from someone, and the ants - well, maybe they and the earwigs are in cahoots?  Hoping that today we'll get screens up, a screen door installed, and the sink fixed so it won't leak all over my floor as i wash out dishes and glasses.  Which, of course, makes the ant situation even more fun - we had a melava malka, and then couldn't wash the glasses out because of the sink, and then the ants descended.  YUCK.

The exterminator is coming back today (yes, back - the external spray last week only worked for a day) to fumigate the place.  We're sleeping elsewhere for the night.

and i think i have an ant bite on my hand.  grrrrr

43

so, i know you can be overwhelmed.  and i know you can be underwhelmed. but can you ever just be whelmed?

... i think you can in europe

48

i managed today for only the second time to successfully give myself a manicure.

now if i could only manage to shower, get dressed, and do some work for school...

49

first off, i want to state that I am aware of my own negativity.  let that just be out therebefore i start talking about theissue in general.

i find that more and more the women i talk to are very negative about things.  it seems to be an unconscious response, but generally i find that when a topic is brought up, it immediately veers into negativity waters.

i say women because that is where i have experienced the problem.  i'm not claiming that men do not suffer from it, simply that i haven't personally experienced it as regularly with them.

this bothers me on two levels - one, it is extremely unhealthy to have one's got reaction to things be negative.  two, it is extremely unpleasant for those around you who must either respond or ignore what has just come out of a friend's mouth.  responding most certaintly will lead to a conversation about the topic, and validate the negative opinion to some extent - if we are to converse, than your negative gut reaction is not just an unhealthy reading of what's going on around you, but now is simply a side to take in a disagreement.  ignoring it frustrates the second person, if not the one expressing the opinion, and doesn't deal with the fact that the reaction is often either unwarranted or over the top.

i am keenly aware of my own tendency to be negative.  i try to watch it, and i try to be funny instead of outright dismissive or depressing.  but maybe it would help us all to step back a bit in conversation and recognize that some side comments (such as "oh, she's so sweet") do not need a response, and that surely the proper response is not a rebuttal ("you think so?  i just don't see it.").

rant over, novacaine has worn off from mouth, and i am now off to eat food seeing as i can taste it finally.  : )

55

Let us eat cake

for today, we celebrate two years of wedded life.

TWO YEARS!

does not feel like it at all.  just like it's been a long while of fun and living with my best friend.

i love you, avs.  : )