Phlebotomists

I have not had a good run of luck with phlebotomists. From the woman who couldn't get the blood out of newborn Fred's foot, to the entire ER staff that couldn't get the blood out of 3-day old Fred, to this latest run...

First tip. When a patient says"Ooh, I'm getting queasy" in response to your desciption of the blood flow, don't keep describing it. It's uncomfortable for the patient, unsympathetic, and will likely end in a face-plant in the middle of the office as the patient bravely tries to overcome the growing roar in her head and blackness before her eyes. This lucky girl made it to a chair, so the face-plant ewas ultimately avoided, but that was sheer luck.

Second. DO NOT WACK THE VEIN. That HURTS. Ask the patient to clench and unclench their hand. It's worked before, and it will work again. I swear.

Third. If the patient says "I think I need to lie down," let the patient lie down. Ask my brother - catching a passed out person sliding off an exam table is not easy once that person is about 5'8".

Fourth. Maybe don't talk about how much blood you are taking, or show the patient 6-8 empty vials waiting for blood.  That's freaky! *Unless, you know, the patient *asks*.

So, I feel pukey, but the bruising is minimal. Onward, to wait for results.

If I Were a Superhero

my primary superpower would be belated realizations.

And I would not want to wear tights.

I'm trying to quietly introduce my older daughter to the world of Batman. She's not ready for villians and heroes or punching yet, but she *does* know who he is, and that Ima loves him. I'm trying to teach her to say "Ima is obsessed with Batman, but only minorly"... but I'm also trying to teach her say some far more important things, so it's a little on the back burner for now.

She's super great, and I hope she stays that way. In fact, her superpower would be surprising pop culture references, all of which are coincidental. ... It's weird to think that my parents were ever this obsessed with me.

Farmville

is possibly the stupidest and most annoying online game I've encountered, but damn is it fun to leave people in the dust.  I'm almost at the last level, and I think when I hit it, I'm going to stop playing.

I wonder at my self sometimes. No college degree, but 37 levels of farmville in a matter of weeks. Huh.

Been a while...

I am totally wrecked/exhausted, and really really cold.  Anemic? Who knows.  But Snuggies are not the answer, people! Please tell me that no one I know is actually going out and buying these things with the intent to wear them. And if you think you can wear a Snuggie ironicaly, you're wrong.  You're just practiciing for when you're a fat old loser. Trust me, I'm an expert in some of those fields.

So, it's been a while since I played here.  Hm.  Well, in the meantime I believe I've managed to have 2 kids and live in 3 separate houses all in the same zip code.  Impressive, I know.  I'm in the middle of a bit of a tiff with the director of Fred's school - and before you ask, no, Fred and Gus are not their real names.  Bigger is Gus, Little is Fred, and if you want to konw the real names, you must be somene we know in real life. Back to the director. So Fred is a smart little bugger, much like her older sister, but precociously bright.  This past summer when she was 1 and a bit, she was at camp 5 days a week with the 2-3 year old group.  All of a sudden, she starts school in a class for 1.5-2.5 year olds, and she starts regressing.  Gone is my independent child who talks a mile a minute.  Instead I have this (adorable) kid who wants to be held all day, and often refuses to speak, opting to grunt and point instead.  She'll speak when we refuse to respond, so it's all choice, and it's really pissing me off.

I'd quickly mentioned my concerns both to the teacher at the start of the year and to the director a few weeks ago.  I called again this past Friday to follow up with the director. Now, I am convinced that she doesn't like me, so it's a bad start in general.  I was on my best Ima phone behavior - Is this a good time? If not, when can I call back?

So, I tell her my concerns, and my feeling that she would benefit from being in the next older class.  And the director tells me that she is not "academically ready for things in the older class like cutting, or circle time".

Now, I may not be a pre-school director, but last I checked, circle time is not an "academically-ready" skill set.  And when I nicely reminded the director that my daughter *can* handle running with the big kids, as she did this summer, the director very snottily replied "Yes, you said so." Emphasis on 'you', by the way.

So now I'm unhappy with the class she's in, not being listened to by the director, and on top of it she's talking down to me!? Why am I spending $400 a month on this? I very badly want to go down there and lay into her, but what would that gain other than a potential black eye for the shul?

Fred's camp director has offered to speak with the school director and vouch for her ridiculous abilities, but I don't feel the need to fight to keep her in a school that's so counter to working with us.

So, the Momma is backing down for now, waiting to hear if Gus' school has an opening. If not, I think Fred will be leaving 'school' and spending her mornings with me - between the library and some Mommy and Me classes, we should be golden.

But in my head, just know that as I was hanging up the phone, I totally bit that woman.

here comes the sun

Fred is holding my hand and saying "let go", and I know exactly how she feels

old pictures

The Page 56 Game

The Page 56 Game
"Guys can be on the skinny side, but a rear is a special thing to me."

My Horizontal Life - A Collection of One-Night Stands
Chelsea Handler

The Rules

* Grab the book nearest you. Right now.
* Turn to page 56.
* Find the fifth sentence.
* Post that sentence along with these instructions as a comment on your blog or as a Facebook note, whichever you prefer. Don't forget to include the title of book and author.