quittage

i have not had a cigarette since thursday.

i also davened this morning.  and i'm off to clean my room.  cool.  i've been struggling with this smoking thing for 2 years now.  think of all the time, all the money i would have saved.  also factor in the costs of going to see that doctor for my asthma...

did anyone catch angel tonight?

 loves  

think it'll work out?????

just do it!

for the past 4 years in my memory, and 25 or so in the collective memory, they've been trying to get this train thing off the ground.  it's such a brilliant idea!  why can't they just say "ok, there's an economic crisis in pennsylvania that could really be helped by our doing this, and it would improve the interstates and pollution and all kinds of wonderful stuff, let's do it!"?  i think that they should say that.

and forget the 5 million to check if it's a good idea.  IT'S A GOOD IDEA!  put that 5 million towards the 200 we're gonna need in total.  please, i'm begging you.

especially with the economic drain of sister adrian barrett's brilliant "move the welfare folk out of NYC and into scranton" plan.  we're dying here.  we're going under for the last time.  this beautiful city that i grew up in, with rolling hills, safe streets, good jobs, and an incredibly caring community is about to disappear.  this train would be a lifeline for us.

another first

i'm blogging from my parents' bedroom, thanks to the wonder of wireless DSL.  look at us - we're so technologically correct (otherwise known as TC, you know).

we're gong to be at the lake for sukkot, and it's supposed to be gorgeous out.  yayness!  i love beautiful weather.  and i don't have to interact with a ton of people.  we'll have about a minyan's worth of people.  *sigh*  i love it.

if anyone wants to come visit over sukkot, here's where i live.

take back the day

"How much more so should one fear the judgment of the King of Kings, whose verdict is eternal."

this is what the OU has to say about yom kippur.

it's funny, cause i seem to recall smidgens of the idea taht these chagim are a celebration, stories involving huge requests from G-d being granted...  all kinds of stuff that doesn't scream "fear and hysterical crying".  side point for a moment - i find it v hard to concentrate when someone is weeping and shuckling not 10 feet away from me.  the entire time we're in shul.  geez, chill a second.  how bad can it be?

back to my other point.  i decided to spend the day loving G-d, judaism, davening, life...  basically saying, yeah i screwed up a lot.  a hell of a lot.  but i can't fix it alone.  You have to step in and help me, and then we can start making my life more like it should have been already.  so if i get myself in gear and You start pitching in, we can get something going...  i love You.  that kind of stuff.

twas far nicer than the other route i'm used to taking.

today's mail

i got a letter today from the office of the registrar at YU, which i thought was so funny at first, til i realized that they were sending me forms to fill out for either an official leave of absence, or to officially withdraw.  guess which one i chose.

they ask you to state, in 3 lines, your reasons for leaving.  here's my six page letter response.  as much as i hate to tell people when they've done a bad job, this is important to me.  i take full blame for the mistakes i made, but this was ridiculous.

i should be in bed.  with my teddy bears, josh.  no shoes.

why am i still up?

that was more of a rhetorical tone - because i am stupid and stif-necked and *needed* to UL al the music from my laptop to my iPod tonight (it now holds over 1000 songs, which iss over 300 hours of listening time, last i checked).

chatting with my cousin moshe sussman, some of you may know him as michael. cool thing with mosh iss that he's not just family, he's also one of my really god friends. who has an edge over other friends cause he's family, and knows our secrets, and how i function for real. and is freezing, having eaten a tray of ice.

i am unspeakably upset with someone i have met once who didn't even stick around for an introduction. ok, that was a lie. i'm not mad. i'm mildly irritated. i didn't care until moshe brought his name up, which brought a memory flooding back (why is it always lfooding? maybe this one slowly dripped...). but this guy lives on in my head as rude and arrogant and i can't inagine hw moshe tolerates that unless he's exceptionally bright. which i doubt being as HE TURNED HIS BACK ON ME. *grin*

i bought myself a watch for all of $9 or so and it's really nice, and i look all fancy, and so it's been decided that from now on i will try to dress like more of an adult around my parents, at the very least. which, as any of you who know my bizarro personal shopping tastes can attest to, means i need a full new wardrboe. not even funny. everything i own is low rise, short sleeves, short hems, t-shirts, ratty pants, punk sneakers... i like it. i just look like i'm 13. ah, well. so today is officially the end of my second full day in a row dressing nicely.
boo on dressing nicely.

i've also decided that i'd like to have a nrmal relationship with someone. debating where to look for him. i know he's hiding somewhere fantastic. well - if you're lonely, i'm sorry i'm not looking for you right now, but i will be soon, so until then, here's a *kiss* to keep you company.

(i'm giving moshe permission to not be ready to get engaged at the age of 25. i'm wonderful. )

i'm in love... ooh, i'm a believer

i can not begin to explain the obsession with angel to the unaffiliated.

what a fantastic show! especially for a girl normally terrified of the words vampire, blood, zombie, demon...

i *love* this show. and i am so excited to see spike back, especially with angel. side note here - buffy was a terrible show, and an absolute waste of a brilliant idea, amaazing cast, wonderful characters, totally fun violence! so, just move all the good characters to a new show, base it on angel, and ... there ya go. happy!